Happy Monday

Setting: This past Thursday at 1:30 while at work.
Cast: SW: Social Worker; M: Me

SW: Mary? Is this a good time?

M: YES. ALWAYS. YES. WHAT? YES. 

SW: I'm afraid I have some bad news.

M: Multiple scenarios race through mind--Um...what?

SW: We will be closing our adoption program, and you're going to have to find a new agency to complete your home study. 

M: *crickets*

SW: *crickets*

M: Um....what?

SW: We will be closing our adoption program, and you're going to have to find a new agency to complete your home study. 

M: Just.....what? 

M: Tries very hard not to throw phone through the wall because I'm at work. 

To put this in perspective, we were pretty much done. We've been visited, interviewed, CPRed, fingerprinted, blood tested and background tested. We were good to go! And...then this happened. 

And so, as of Thursday at 1:30, we had no home study, no plan, and no clue. To summarize, we were going to have to either find or transfer our home study (depending on how new agency would handle it) and go from there. This would add at least a month (not terrible), and in the interest of full disclosure, an additional $2,500 to the final cost (a lot closer to terrible). 

Talk about disheartening. Frustrating. Anger-inducing. 

However, through a series of phone calls, emails, texts, posts, and prayers...we've gone from last Thursday's "I have some bad news" to this:

We reached out to friends almost immediately last Thursday (really, I'm pretty sure I updated our Sunday School class before Derek was able to contact me after the phone call...sorry Derek) and knew you all were praying for us. This wasn't life-altering or devastating, but it was a serious expense and inconvenience. To be sitting on the other side, it's easy to think "oh, we must have overreacted, because this was SO easy to solve." 

But I don't think that's the case. 

Instead, we're choosing to believe God heard and answered our prayers. CCAI approved our homestudy. Our original agency signed off on our home study--and is delivering it tomorrow. Our new social worker/agency is visiting tomorrow afternoon. Done, done, and done. Plus, (best for last) we only have to pay our new agency a $250 deposit/credit that will be used for our post-adoption visits. Honestly, I don't know why we are continually surprised when our prayers are answered. We are, and we shouldn't be. Once again, we've been reminded that we are so definitely not even a little bit in control of our situation, but God is. And once again, I'm thankful for a God that doesn't get tired of reminding us of that.

For an updated list of prayer requests, please visit the Get Involved page. Thanks! 

Opposites and Marriage

In case anyone thinks that working on adoption paperwork with your spouse is a great way to pass the time, let me just say this...

BAHhhahahaha. 

Sorry, no. It's really not, at least for us. 

Never has it been more clear that we have completely different personalities. 

Before we were married, our pastor required us to take a personality test for couples as part of our premarital counseling. (By the way, I just checked; it's still available. You can take the test with your spouse here. Good luck!) Derek got cautious thinker, because hello, engineer! I got driver, because genetics. I think the point for us taking the tests was for the pastor to note any red flags for us to work through and beware of, but I really don't remember him saying anything other than "Hmmm, interesting. Those two personalities are excellent complements!" And I thought "Well, that's a good thing; opposites attract!" 

You are correct, Pastor Ken. It's interesting. 

Here is what those two personalities essentially have in common: we each need to be right. 

Here is what those two personalities do not have in common: one of us has to arrive at the decision by weighing out every possibility and dismissing the incorrect ones, and do not rush me, and the other sees one answer immediately and it's right, and why don't you believe me!

Honestly, it's really a wonder that things are completed in a timely manner. 

What we've finally learned (but don't always practice) is that those personality differences aren't actually bad. One of us is really, really good at catching minute details that the other overlooks. The other can make an on-the-spot decision when a situation arises. When we trust and have patience with each other, it really is amazing how quickly we can power through some of these processes. 

Tonight, we had an off night. We filled out a form that really should have taken five minutes (both of us agree on this, not just me, the driver) but actually took almost two hours...and that's okay. We live and learn, and move on to the next. Instead of letting these personality quirks get to us, we just need to remember that this is why we married the other. We're opposites. 

And that keeps it interesting. 

Keeping It Real

(not the rock star picture)

It is so easy to share the good stuff, the funny, the shallow. We can share the rock star picture from last weekend or the best lunch spot ever or the moat surrounding our tent when our went camping. And there's nothing wrong with sharing those things, plus it's fun to share them. But...when push comes to shove, it's hard to be all authentic all of the time. It's hard to say what's really going on. It's hard to admit when you're down or struggling...or maybe it's just me.

Let me ask you this. If you were to ask us how the adoption is going, what answer are you expecting? I realized recently my answer is typically either "Great! Thanks for asking! We're starting this or that and then doing this or that" or "nothing new to report; same old, same old."

But, some days, this is really more like it:

"The house smells like dog but I don't want to vacuum because I lost my good earrings and the social worker is coming in a half hour. We submitted our MCC a couple weeks ago, and now we're wondering if we made the right call on some of the conditions. We also submitted one of our first major payments last week and found out another is coming this week, sooner than we thought. We have twelve hours of training each and the last thing I want to do is sit through yet another webinar PowerPoint presentation. Plus, this morning we found out that the one file we both agreed on and inquired about is no longer available to us. And I am so, so tired of not knowing what in the world I am doing."

That will probably never be my Facebook status and I'm sure there's a hashtag character limit somewhere in Instagram. But just know that some days, we feel crabby and tired and overwhelmed like anyone else and it's not in our nature to admit that freely. (In fact, it's taken me four days to type this.) Forgive us when we seem like everything's perfect all the time or when it appears we aren't taking this seriously. We know in our hearts that we're doing the right thing, but some days our heads aren't quite there. Both of us work best with a detailed and outlined plan, preferably in spreadsheet form, and living in a constant state of uncertainty gets the best of us sometimes.

We're so appreciative and thankful for our friends, family, and especially our church family who let us share things on our own timeline and never push. The calls, the texts, the surprise candy bar deliveries to the house and coffee deliveries to work, the no judgement on our tumbleweeds of dog fur or the bottle cap your son found and tried to eat when you dropped by for the afternoon...we appreciate it more than you know. We are struggling for balance between this, family illness, and the normal stuff like late meetings and deciding whose turn it is to cook dinner. I'd like to say someday we will get it right, but more than likely not. Bear with us as we try to discern what's best for our family-both present and future. Ask questions so we know you care, yet be patient when it seems like sometimes we're unwilling to share. Understand why sometimes we say no, we aren't able to do something. Most of all, continue to pray for us whether you know what to pray for or not.

Surely, I cannot be the only one who ever feels this way. Hands up for the overwhelmed! I'm not a "I challenge you this week..." type of person, but I'll leave you with this reassurance tonight:

...my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:19