Sunday, August 9, 2015

Keeping It Real

(not the rock star picture)
It is so easy to share the good stuff, the funny, the shallow. We can share the rock star picture from last weekend or the best lunch spot ever or the moat surrounding our tent when our went camping. And there's nothing wrong with sharing those things, plus it's fun to share them. But...when push comes to shove, it's hard to be all authentic all of the time. It's hard to say what's really going on. It's hard to admit when you're down or struggling...or maybe it's just me.

Let me ask you this. If you were to ask us how the adoption is going, what answer are you expecting? I realized recently my answer is typically either "Great! Thanks for asking! We're starting this or that and then doing this or that" or "nothing new to report; same old, same old."

But, some days, this is really more like it:

"The house smells like dog but I don't want to vacuum because I lost my good earrings and the social worker is coming in a half hour. We submitted our MCC a couple weeks ago, and now we're wondering if we made the right call on some of the conditions. We also submitted one of our first major payments last week and found out another is coming this week, sooner than we thought. We have twelve hours of training each and the last thing I want to do is sit through yet another webinar PowerPoint presentation. Plus, this morning we found out that the one file we both agreed on and inquired about is no longer available to us. And I am so, so tired of not knowing what in the world I am doing."

That will probably never be my Facebook status and I'm sure there's a hashtag character limit somewhere in Instagram. But just know that some days, we feel crabby and tired and overwhelmed like anyone else and it's not in our nature to admit that freely. (In fact, it's taken me four days to type this.) Forgive us when we seem like everything's perfect all the time or when it appears we aren't taking this seriously. We know in our hearts that we're doing the right thing, but some days our heads aren't quite there. Both of us work best with a detailed and outlined plan, preferably in spreadsheet form, and living in a constant state of uncertainty gets the best of us sometimes.

We're so appreciative and thankful for our friends, family, and especially our church family who let us share things on our own timeline and never push. The calls, the texts, the surprise candy bar deliveries to the house and coffee deliveries to work, the no judgement on our tumbleweeds of dog fur or the bottle cap your son found and tried to eat when you dropped by for the afternoon...we appreciate it more than you know. We are struggling for balance between this, family illness, and the normal stuff like late meetings and deciding whose turn it is to cook dinner. I'd like to say someday we will get it right, but more than likely not. Bear with us as we try to discern what's best for our family-both present and future. Ask questions so we know you care, yet be patient when it seems like sometimes we're unwilling to share. Understand why sometimes we say no, we aren't able to do something. Most of all, continue to pray for us whether you know what to pray for or not.

Surely, I cannot be the only one who ever feels this way. Hands up for the overwhelmed! I'm not a "I challenge you this week..." type of person, but I'll leave you with this reassurance tonight: God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:19