Thursday Thoughts

It's a weird spot to be in, to be a full time family and yet a full time family-in-progress. Yet even in the midst of our adoption news and progress (which is still very much a part of our every day life!), we try still try to keep a perspective that focuses on current family as well. Life has a tendency to keep going, whether you want it to or not, so I thought I'd try to regularly share some of the fun and not so fun things we have going on. I'd like to call this the first installment of Thursday Thoughts...but we'll see how well that goes or catches on.

1. Trees: I don't know what it is about our family and trees, but that crazy windstorm we had this past weekend took out one of our hickory trees on Saturday: the second one since we moved into this house in July. Thankfully, our friends were visiting...well, thankfully for us at least--I don't know how they felt about it. We clearly have a natural proclivity for falling trees, so just beware when you're walking through our yard. Thanks Jansmas, for helping with the tree that so very randomly fell down and provided a great photo op. Derek is especially excited for all the free, nice lumber our yard is providing us with, so in approximately one year or so (or however long it takes the hickory wood to dry, I don't quite get how that works) and you want something made out of hickory, you know where to go. 

2. Sickness: Jordan started school this year and this is Judah's first season experiencing American germs, so I have been anticipating this being our first season to really try and build our immunity up. Derek's Grandma Z. passed away a few weeks ago, and on the way up for the arrangements Jordan literally left our house healthy and 150 miles later needed his albuterol inhaler every few hours. He was the first one sick, and so very kindly shared it with all of us. We have learned though that even sick, Judah still bebops his way through life. Even when Jordan and I were curled up with tissues and blankets and inhalers and antibiotics (Derek took it like a man and didn't go to the doctor), Judah didn't let it get him down. We also learned that Jordan will always get hit harder with whatever colds come our way, but thankfully we were home by the time the worst of it hit and we still were able to stay out of the hospital. It doesn't seem fair sometimes because he has zero restrictions on activity and his heart is doing great, but that's how it is. 

3. The boys: Speaking of Judah always seemingly happy...Judah is almost always laughing about something, and usually that something is whatever silly thing Jordan is doing (when they're getting along at least). Every morning when I get up, they're already up and as soon as I walk out of our room they tell me to go back to bed--usually because they're in the middle of something they probably shouldn't be in...so we have a lot of discussions in our house. And those discussions usually contain the words "we do not play in the toilet water" or "we do not drink from the dog's water bowl". They are busy, curious, sweet boys, and usually not purposefully naughty but test their boundaries and my patience on the daily. Also, color me shocked if Jordan doesn't try out for the drama department or any sort of stage. He has quite the flair for the dramatic. 

4. Behavior Issues: Outside of their typical three year old behavior, we have had some extreme behavior issues with one of our boys. The problem isn't with acting but reacting, and he has a hard time self-regulating. It's a cause of concern for us, because it's beyond typical reactions for a three year old and so we've been seeing a play therapist with him to teach him (and us) tools to help him focus and calm down. It's hard to explain because the only people who see these behaviors are us; no one else has reported anything of the sort when he or they are under others' care. It's a reminder that even with the best of care in China and doing our best with attachment, both of the boys have trauma of some sort (abandonment, medical conditions, etc.) in their background, rooted in fear and anxiety, that their subconscious remembers but their brains cannot keep up with. Thankfully on the especially hard days, Derek is close enough to be able to come home over lunch and help us all reset as a family. On such a day last week, both boys were extremely happy to find out that Derek matched them. Go Team Caterpillar!

5. 11th Anniversary: Last year, Derek and I tried to get away for our 10th wedding anniversary but we turned it into a family vacation somewhat last minute. At the beginning of this year, even knowing Judah wasn't home yet at the time and not knowing when that would be, we made it a priority to make time for a getaway for us this year, and we are running away in a couple weeks. We are thankful for Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunties who are helping watch our boys here so that we can take a time out and reset after an especially busy year and before we add a third child and his/her special needs to our calendar. We told the boys yesterday, and their first reaction was their typical FOMO response (Fear Of Missing Out) and wanted to go on vacation too. However, ruffled feathers were quickly soothed with promises of special time with all the grandparents and aunts and that Daddy and Mommy need vacations too, so that they can be better daddies and mommies.  (Can I get an Amen?)

6. Fundraisers: Currently, we still have FIVE days left for our T-shirt fundraiser! We are so thankful for anyone who has purchased a shirt--either one or eleven--to help us bring home the #weetaniithree! If you're still wanting to purchase a shirt, you can click here. A few have asked if we are doing either an AdoptTogether page like we did last time or applying for any matching grants. We first need to complete our home study to apply for any matching grants, or most grants at all, so once we hear back from those we will let you know! We also are hoping to do a book party fundraiser in November, so you'll be the first to know about that too. Thank you all for your continued support of our family through prayer especially! 

7. Christmas Cookies: Local friends, last year I think we ended up doing this in January, but we are hoping to have a Christmas Cookie exchange at our new house. I am once again using my favorite Christmas cookie picture from our first cookie exchange ever (Jessica L., they were epic), but any type of cookie is welcome. We've never turned one down, I don't think. Once I get my act together, I'll hopefully send out open house type invites for the second weekend in December. It's such a fun time to see people you may not see regularly or meet new ones. Kids are always welcome in this house, so you can choose if you want to want to make it child free or not. Pray for snow too...since we have an awesome yard for sledding.

8. Panera Delivery: Part of moving, and adopting again, has made us evaluate at our finances for obvious reasons, but also change our "go-to" nearby restaurants where we can all eat somewhat healthily for not an obscene amount of money and be satisfied. This is such a first world problem, but when we were all sick last week and no one had much energy, I discovered that the Panera Bread by our house delivers. Friends, this is a game. changer. I didn't know they delivered orders that aren't catered, but they do, and tomato soup and salad was the perfect post-doctor visit meal (and everyone else picked their own favorite comfort food). 

That's about all I can think of currently, at least for today's stream of consciousness. I'm hoping I can at least find some things fun to talk about once a month or so--for our sake so we can record our everyday, but maybe also your enjoyment. Thanks for sticking with us! 

The Updated State (of Things)

So you may or may not remember that in the last blog post, I mentioned that the CCCWA had changed their rules and we would not be able to submit our dossier until Jet turned three in January--which was disappointing but did give us time to save, time to enjoy our family, and basically, just time.

On Wednesday, someone from our agency called and said she had news that was about to make me very, very happy. I was skeptical, because I knew they weren't calling with a file referral, and had no honest clue what sort of news would "make my day, or maybe even my week." She proceeded to tell me that they (our agency) had inquired if their families that were already in process but not yet matched or DTC would still be able to continue on as planned, and the CCCWA said yes! I asked her maybe three or four different times, rewording it just to triple and quadruple check, that we no longer had to wait for Jet to turn three--and no we don't! So yes, that was good news! I texted a friend and she asked how I felt about it, and I said relieved--because I no longer had to worry about timelines but yet we didn't have to rush. 

Ha. 

Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well so I stayed offline a lot of the day, but when I finally checked my email late yesterday I actually found out that our "no rush" plan was now obsolete. Per our agency, the CCCWA wants all families who are now grandfathered in under the old rules to submit their dossiers within 3-4 months. That might seem like a lot of time, but it actually isn't...or it isn't if you were planning on sending documents via regular priority mail or ground, not overnight. Our home study visits are complete, but as of the time of that email yesterday we were still waiting on a few documents our HS agency needed to complete before writing. 

Fast forward to this morning: we ended up receiving and getting approval on the last few documents needed to complete the home study...but got another email from our agency that said even though our home study isn't complete, they would like us to file with immigration and overnight those documents, like today. (The reason this is weird is because with immigration/USCIS they NEED a copy of your home study to approve you to adopt--so to send things sans home study means a few extra steps as soon as that is done.)

Again, maybe this doesn't seem like a huge deal. And it really probably isn't. But we went from "ok, we'll wait an extra six months", to "Yay! We don't have to wait but no rush," to "GET THIS DONE ASAP YOU NEED TO DO THIS NOW". Almost every time I checked my email, there was another little tidbit of instructions to follow. 

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. When plans change frequently, for better or worse, I don't handle it well. 

What? I know. This is completely brand new information to all of you.  

Last time we did this, we didn't have a two year old (who is currently making elephant noises in his crib instead of sleeping), so we could work on it pretty much whenever--but now we really can't until after 7:30 or we have to take him with if there's a last minute errand--like this morning when I ran a few documents that couldn't be emailed or mailed to our HS agency. That means that last night Derek stayed home to help me make sense of everything and get what we could ready instead of going to a meeting he had at 8:30. And it meant that tonight he stayed home from a work thing to also help with getting documents ready for the first round as well as trying to make sense of the I-800A application and instructions. It makes for tense situations and arguments over the most mundane things, such as, should we notarize today or Monday? Should we do it over Derek's lunch break (right before nap) or after he gets off work (also known as the witching hour--or maybe that's just our two year old)? What are we supposed to write in certain blanks on the I-800A application since we aren't submitting our home study with it? How can we get answers to our questions now that our agency is closed for the day? Why don't you know the answers to these questions? I don't know, why don't you? (I vaguely remember having these arguments last time too.) And where in the world are the dining chairs I ordered from IKEA and why haven't they been delivered? What does that have to do with anything? 

Everything just escalates to An Issue. 

But then I opened Derek's wallet this afternoon because I needed his driver's license number (I can't be expected to memorize everything) and see a label I made with our fancy label maker in the retirement home where I worked in college--he still has it, even though his wallet has changed multiple times, it's not even sticky anymore, and I even got him a replacement copper "wallet card" so that he didn't need it. And it helped me remember that we are in this together. It might be chaotic, but that's life. Honestly, if we got through Jet's adoption, his subsequent tests and surgeries, and really just this past year in general, a little upheaval and rushing around isn't going to hurt anyone. Everything will still get done, and yeah, we might be overnighting things and using couriers instead of using ground service, but in the scheme of things, it's not life-altering. It doesn't change the end goal. If anything, it speeds that end goal up a little bit. 

I am happy to report that we have completed all eight documents that are ready for the first wave of sealing. I am also happy to report that we have completed our I-800A application as much as we can (fun fact, there's a rather massive typo/error by the US government on it that we cannot change). The world will not end if we don't send it until Monday to arrive Tuesday. Our home study should be written by Monday, where it will then go to the HS agency director and us to review for errors, and then our placement agency, who will fine tooth comb it at least three times. Things are getting done. We probably will be DTC by the end of October. There's a fairly good chance that with our luck, our fingerprinting appointment at the USCIS office in Chicago will be scheduled during the week we are on vacation, but we'll figure it out. Again, things will get done. 

And as I've said many, many times, life goes on outside of whatever issue we're dealing with. As I mentioned before, last time we did this we didn't have a two year old, and this time we do. We may be working on adding a brother or sister to the family for him, but our main focus is still him--as it should be--until we accept a match--and then he gets to share. We don't want the words "in a minute" or "maybe later" to become the norm in this house. So that means yeah, paperwork gets put aside, we watch "Lots and Lots of Trucks" on Amazon Prime so much that we hear it in our sleep, we do puzzles, we swim, etc. After a lot of thought, we decided Jet really needed some sort of structured social aspect in his life, so he's starting two year old preschool (which is way more intense than I thought it would be) in less than a month. He is absolutely going to love it, and they have a doctor's kit AND a PomPom (panda) so how could he not? Most importantly, school will be "his thing" and will also give me and/or Derek one-on-one time with our new son/daughter to help with bonding and adjustment. 

So. That's where things stand. Our T-Shirt campaign is over, but the link should remain live if anyone still purchases. Our garage sale with our good friends is still scheduled for August 11/12. For our praying friends, we ask for these specific three things (in addition to our son or daughter, whomever they may be): 

1) Finances. Due to an even faster dossier completion we will be sending the money sooner, so wise decisions on that. 

2) Good weather for the garage sale--no rain, and definitely not 100+ degree weather or heat indices. 

3) Pray for a traveling companion for (probably) Derek for when the time comes. If at all possible, we don't want to leave Jordan home for two weeks and then completely disrupt his life even more with a new sibling. 

Thank you to those of you who ask how everything is going and ask questions about the process. It means a lot that you try to understand more what we're working on/toward. I know I used a lot of acronyms in this post, and I'll explain more about the process later--something I meant to do last time but did not. Thank you all, as always, for your support. We appreciate it more than you'll know. 

Opposites and Marriage

In case anyone thinks that working on adoption paperwork with your spouse is a great way to pass the time, let me just say this...

BAHhhahahaha. 

Sorry, no. It's really not, at least for us. 

Never has it been more clear that we have completely different personalities. 

Before we were married, our pastor required us to take a personality test for couples as part of our premarital counseling. (By the way, I just checked; it's still available. You can take the test with your spouse here. Good luck!) Derek got cautious thinker, because hello, engineer! I got driver, because genetics. I think the point for us taking the tests was for the pastor to note any red flags for us to work through and beware of, but I really don't remember him saying anything other than "Hmmm, interesting. Those two personalities are excellent complements!" And I thought "Well, that's a good thing; opposites attract!" 

You are correct, Pastor Ken. It's interesting. 

Here is what those two personalities essentially have in common: we each need to be right. 

Here is what those two personalities do not have in common: one of us has to arrive at the decision by weighing out every possibility and dismissing the incorrect ones, and do not rush me, and the other sees one answer immediately and it's right, and why don't you believe me!

Honestly, it's really a wonder that things are completed in a timely manner. 

What we've finally learned (but don't always practice) is that those personality differences aren't actually bad. One of us is really, really good at catching minute details that the other overlooks. The other can make an on-the-spot decision when a situation arises. When we trust and have patience with each other, it really is amazing how quickly we can power through some of these processes. 

Tonight, we had an off night. We filled out a form that really should have taken five minutes (both of us agree on this, not just me, the driver) but actually took almost two hours...and that's okay. We live and learn, and move on to the next. Instead of letting these personality quirks get to us, we just need to remember that this is why we married the other. We're opposites. 

And that keeps it interesting.