Thursday Thoughts

It's a weird spot to be in, to be a full time family and yet a full time family-in-progress. Yet even in the midst of our adoption news and progress (which is still very much a part of our every day life!), we try still try to keep a perspective that focuses on current family as well. Life has a tendency to keep going, whether you want it to or not, so I thought I'd try to regularly share some of the fun and not so fun things we have going on. I'd like to call this the first installment of Thursday Thoughts...but we'll see how well that goes or catches on.

1. Trees: I don't know what it is about our family and trees, but that crazy windstorm we had this past weekend took out one of our hickory trees on Saturday: the second one since we moved into this house in July. Thankfully, our friends were visiting...well, thankfully for us at least--I don't know how they felt about it. We clearly have a natural proclivity for falling trees, so just beware when you're walking through our yard. Thanks Jansmas, for helping with the tree that so very randomly fell down and provided a great photo op. Derek is especially excited for all the free, nice lumber our yard is providing us with, so in approximately one year or so (or however long it takes the hickory wood to dry, I don't quite get how that works) and you want something made out of hickory, you know where to go. 

2. Sickness: Jordan started school this year and this is Judah's first season experiencing American germs, so I have been anticipating this being our first season to really try and build our immunity up. Derek's Grandma Z. passed away a few weeks ago, and on the way up for the arrangements Jordan literally left our house healthy and 150 miles later needed his albuterol inhaler every few hours. He was the first one sick, and so very kindly shared it with all of us. We have learned though that even sick, Judah still bebops his way through life. Even when Jordan and I were curled up with tissues and blankets and inhalers and antibiotics (Derek took it like a man and didn't go to the doctor), Judah didn't let it get him down. We also learned that Jordan will always get hit harder with whatever colds come our way, but thankfully we were home by the time the worst of it hit and we still were able to stay out of the hospital. It doesn't seem fair sometimes because he has zero restrictions on activity and his heart is doing great, but that's how it is. 

3. The boys: Speaking of Judah always seemingly happy...Judah is almost always laughing about something, and usually that something is whatever silly thing Jordan is doing (when they're getting along at least). Every morning when I get up, they're already up and as soon as I walk out of our room they tell me to go back to bed--usually because they're in the middle of something they probably shouldn't be in...so we have a lot of discussions in our house. And those discussions usually contain the words "we do not play in the toilet water" or "we do not drink from the dog's water bowl". They are busy, curious, sweet boys, and usually not purposefully naughty but test their boundaries and my patience on the daily. Also, color me shocked if Jordan doesn't try out for the drama department or any sort of stage. He has quite the flair for the dramatic. 

4. Behavior Issues: Outside of their typical three year old behavior, we have had some extreme behavior issues with one of our boys. The problem isn't with acting but reacting, and he has a hard time self-regulating. It's a cause of concern for us, because it's beyond typical reactions for a three year old and so we've been seeing a play therapist with him to teach him (and us) tools to help him focus and calm down. It's hard to explain because the only people who see these behaviors are us; no one else has reported anything of the sort when he or they are under others' care. It's a reminder that even with the best of care in China and doing our best with attachment, both of the boys have trauma of some sort (abandonment, medical conditions, etc.) in their background, rooted in fear and anxiety, that their subconscious remembers but their brains cannot keep up with. Thankfully on the especially hard days, Derek is close enough to be able to come home over lunch and help us all reset as a family. On such a day last week, both boys were extremely happy to find out that Derek matched them. Go Team Caterpillar!

5. 11th Anniversary: Last year, Derek and I tried to get away for our 10th wedding anniversary but we turned it into a family vacation somewhat last minute. At the beginning of this year, even knowing Judah wasn't home yet at the time and not knowing when that would be, we made it a priority to make time for a getaway for us this year, and we are running away in a couple weeks. We are thankful for Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunties who are helping watch our boys here so that we can take a time out and reset after an especially busy year and before we add a third child and his/her special needs to our calendar. We told the boys yesterday, and their first reaction was their typical FOMO response (Fear Of Missing Out) and wanted to go on vacation too. However, ruffled feathers were quickly soothed with promises of special time with all the grandparents and aunts and that Daddy and Mommy need vacations too, so that they can be better daddies and mommies.  (Can I get an Amen?)

6. Fundraisers: Currently, we still have FIVE days left for our T-shirt fundraiser! We are so thankful for anyone who has purchased a shirt--either one or eleven--to help us bring home the #weetaniithree! If you're still wanting to purchase a shirt, you can click here. A few have asked if we are doing either an AdoptTogether page like we did last time or applying for any matching grants. We first need to complete our home study to apply for any matching grants, or most grants at all, so once we hear back from those we will let you know! We also are hoping to do a book party fundraiser in November, so you'll be the first to know about that too. Thank you all for your continued support of our family through prayer especially! 

7. Christmas Cookies: Local friends, last year I think we ended up doing this in January, but we are hoping to have a Christmas Cookie exchange at our new house. I am once again using my favorite Christmas cookie picture from our first cookie exchange ever (Jessica L., they were epic), but any type of cookie is welcome. We've never turned one down, I don't think. Once I get my act together, I'll hopefully send out open house type invites for the second weekend in December. It's such a fun time to see people you may not see regularly or meet new ones. Kids are always welcome in this house, so you can choose if you want to want to make it child free or not. Pray for snow too...since we have an awesome yard for sledding.

8. Panera Delivery: Part of moving, and adopting again, has made us evaluate at our finances for obvious reasons, but also change our "go-to" nearby restaurants where we can all eat somewhat healthily for not an obscene amount of money and be satisfied. This is such a first world problem, but when we were all sick last week and no one had much energy, I discovered that the Panera Bread by our house delivers. Friends, this is a game. changer. I didn't know they delivered orders that aren't catered, but they do, and tomato soup and salad was the perfect post-doctor visit meal (and everyone else picked their own favorite comfort food). 

That's about all I can think of currently, at least for today's stream of consciousness. I'm hoping I can at least find some things fun to talk about once a month or so--for our sake so we can record our everyday, but maybe also your enjoyment. Thanks for sticking with us! 

Home

Where we love is home-

Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Shortly after welcoming Judah home, we found a house, or shall I say The House, that we knew was what we were looking for in our forever home. We like to say this is the home we will die in, or the home we will live in until our children force us out. It's not huge, it's not updated, and moving certainly wasn't on our summer to-do list, but it's exactly right for us--both now and in the future.

Except we have two 3 year olds, one who doesn't like change and another who faced an incredible amount of change in a very short period of time.

Explaining that we were moving to a new house, driving past the new house, even going on the inspection of the new house still didn't prepare them for what moving from one house to another would be like. Even now, if I'm out with them running errands, one of them will still ask "Are we going to the new house?" as if the old house is still an option.

Then we went on a couple vacations, had a couple hospital stays/trips, and had some family stuff come up, and Derek and I would make the mistake of saying "We're going to head home", meaning "We're going to head back to wherever we're sleeping."

Again, our two 3 year olds don't understand that, and assume we are headed home to the house we live in.

So we did some quick thinking, and now when we are out of town or not sleeping in our house, and say we are headed home, we ask just these three questions if they are confused:

Are you a part of a family?
Are we a family?
Are we your family?

Once their answers are yes, always yes, our next sentence is "Home is wherever our family is."

It's simple, it's basic, it's age appropriate...but it is also true.

Whether we are in our house, on vacation, in a hotel room or in a hospital room, we are a family. We are together, and that means we're home. Family is home, and home is family.

But sometimes, because of circumstances we can't control, families aren't together. Sometimes a family member is sick and in the hospital, whether for a quick or extended stay. Sometimes, a beloved family member, no matter the age, has passed on, going Home to where they are healed and whole. And sometimes, someone's family is working hard, waiting, praying for them to come home and to be a part of a family, to be a part of their family.

I think we can all relate to at least one of those instances. That's what inspired the design of these shirts. For us, a member of our family isn't home yet. For a little person on the other side of the world, he or she is still waiting for a home and a family.

If you would like to purchase a shirt that says Home is where Family is, you can click here, the photo of the t-shirt above, or the t-shirt photo on the blog's homepage. By doing so, you'll help us bring home our newest and youngest--and yet unknown--family member.

We have set a high goal of selling 100 shirts, and we hope and pray we can meet that goal. We have a variety of colors and options available, for children and adults. If you've made a purchase, you should have your new shirts by the middle of November. Thank you, very much, to each of you who has bought a shirt so far, and to those of you who have donated on top of purchasing a shirt. Thanks for being a part of our family.

Wee Tanii Three

This past April, we told ourselves "Let's take some time. Let's have a normal summer, maybe even a normal, no surprises, ordinary year. Let's not do anything rash." I think we even wrote about it, if you go back far enough.

Because, to stay as honest as we've always promised you, that's what we wanted. Normalcy. No penny pinching, no sleepless nights, no doubts. A one way ticket to easy street. We earned it, right?

Yet tonight here we are, one month after our application approval to adopt our third child from China, because, truth be told, deep down that easy street ticket wasn't sitting well. Uncomfortable. A nudge that wouldn't go away. Wrong even.

As soon as we hit submit, we felt the familiar feelings of excitement and anticipation. Planning out bedrooms and sleeping arrangements (bunk beds!), who will travel (can we all???), and even what vacations will look like, ways we can cut costs and budget and look for support for this adoption.

Within a few hours though, a funny thing happened that I can't say I remember feeling before. All of the doubts and fears and selfishness that had made us say "Let's wait awhile" months earlier came rushing back with a vengeance, and so we decided not to say anything to anyone.

Do we still replace the 33 year old HVAC in our new home?
What about the flooring I wanted?
Can we still paint the walls? 
What about our boys and their current medical needs?
What about our previous and various commitments?
How will we pay for this?

What will people say?
What will they think?
Will they even care?

If you're just tuning in, you'll quickly learn this is our third time starting the adoption process in three years. Everything was so new and exciting throughout the entire process of the adoption of our oldest son that it felt surreal, like a real adventure, from the beginning of our home study to landing at the airport.

The process of adopting our younger son was a bit harder. There were many roadblocks, delays, and changes to the program; yet, because of God's timing we ended up being grandfathered in, so that other than waiting for all the  appropriate approvals, we were able to continue on and eight months after receiving our approval we welcomed home our next son.

Over the last two and a half years, because of adoption, because of our boys and their needs, because of our own heart change, we have felt aspects of our lives change and priorities rearrange and friendships evolve. It would be wrong to admit that we don't mourn what used to be, but if we hadn't said yes, if we had missed this, we would have not found a community of adoptive families that can relate, families that have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt (and I mean that both literally and figuratively). Families that, by the time Judah came home just shy of two years after bringing home Jordan, had become the kind of friends we could text at 2am and they'd be up for a conversation.

Our tribe. Our village. Our people.

And so it was to these friends, both near and far, that we first tentatively spoke to about adopting again, to gauge their reactions, still with the intention of keeping this quiet to our extended friends and family because of our fears.

And it was those beautiful souls who affirmed us with a resounding YES. Who volunteered to be travel companions (we now have a wait list). Who offered encouragement and prayers right then. Who volunteered to help however and whenever they could. Who understood what we meant when we said our family didn't feel complete, that we are missing someone.

Who told us, when we asked what they thought others would think, "If people don't think you're a little crazy, you're probably doing it wrong."

They're so right. All of them.

Priorities: checked and balanced. We don't need new floors; we have a roof over our head and warm beds to sleep in. We don't need new furniture. We have empty spaces, but I'd rather those spaces be filled with little people and their things than with more furniture.

We have two boys with medical special needs, which means there will never be a "right time" to do this again. I'm a full time stay at home mom, and one of my main jobs is to keep our schedules up to date with all of our various appointments, procedures, therapies, and extracurriculars. Since I do plan to keep that position for quite awhile, it's a good thing that over time, I've even grown to love my new career. Although sometimes the everyday can be overwhelming, we take things as they come: day by day...and sometimes hour by hour.

We've learned and grown a lot over the last three years, but our biggest, greatest lesson that we keep being reminded of is that God is faithful. Let me be clear: I am not saying bad things don't happen, that loss and pain and fear are absent, but even then, at the core, we know He is still good. It's just as scary for us now as it was three years ago, to say "Okay Lord, You're in control here" and leave everything to Him: whether it be how we will be able to support the addition of this child financially or trusting Him with his or her medical need, or even knowing that He knows our son or daughter who we don't even know yet.

So we've decided we won't keep this quiet. We can't.

We do not want to lead with fear.

We will trust with hope.

Because even after all of our doubts and fears and anxieties, the God of 100 billion galaxies has walked with us every step of the way thus far.

For every time we said we can't, He said I can.

For every time we've said we don't know, He said I have a plan.

For every time we've said we're terrified, He said I am with you.

Make no mistake, we are not special people. We are quite ordinary, following the leading of our extraordinary God. And so, we will trust with the same hope and faith that's carried us thus far. We face many unknowns and uncertainties. We don't have a timeline. We don't know when we will be matched with our child or when we will see his or her face. We don't know his or her special need. We don't know when we will travel. The program has changed drastically from one adoption to the next, but we still believe a part of our family is still in China.

What we do know is that we have a village, a tribe of people surrounding us. We're asking that you join our tribe. We're launching a shirt fundraiser to help pay for our second agency program fee, with an explanation of how we came to arrive at this design later this week. Derek is hard at work making things in his woodshop to supplement our income, if you feel so inclined to buy. We hope to have a joint garage sale in the spring with two other local adoptive families, because we know we need community.

Most of all, as we have always asked you, please pray for our littlest person on the actual other side of the world and for that invisible red thread to bring us together soon.

Our little #weetaniithree.