Hints of Spring

This really has been the never ending winter, hasn't it? I'm not a winter girl (I ask Derek to look for warmer climate jobs every December); and sorry, I can take or leave a PSL and apple picking in the fall isn't my thing either. I do love a long summer, but by far, spring is my favorite season. Everything is fresh and new and clean and smells pretty and green and alive. I start bugging Derek about seeing buds on trees, "Did you see?? I think the tree across the street has buds on it." And he humors me, because one 40 degree day in February does not a budding tree make, "yeah, I'm sure it won't be long now." I need those hints of spring to remind myself that yes, winter does end.

I noticed yesterday our little flowering bush that we planted seven or eight years ago has leaves and buds on it, even though it's been snowed on more times than we thought it would survive, and for sure I didn't think it would survive this long winter. Our neighbor has the same one, and every year, hers blooms much sooner and longer than ours does. Here it is though, the little shrub that could. It's finally getting ready to show us its pretty purple flowers.

After what seemed like the longest winter possible, both of our boys are home napping and I'm sitting on the couch with the windows open and listening to the birds and enjoying the peace and the quiet and the fresh air before reality sets in again. I'm soaking in the hints of our actual, physical spring to remind myself that our family's spring is coming. 

Because how we're feeling right now? It's like we're in some never ending winter season. 

Hi. It's been awhile. We're still here. We're still in the thick of it.

Sometimes, we feel like we've been in the thick of it for almost two years. After all, it's been almost two years since we brought Jet home, and how quickly we forget how unprepared and inexperienced and scared we were during those first months that seem like just one long blur until his discharge after his heart surgery. It wasn't what we expected, and of course it wasn't what we wanted, but God had other plans.

Feeling pretty confident, we barely waited a day after Jet was cleared after his surgery before we full speed ahead hopped right back into our adoption plan again...expecting a longer wait before being matched again...but God had other plans. 

I know it seems like an exaggeration, and that you've heard it before, but I have paper (or I guess electronic) evidence that one day we were told it would be a 12-24 month wait for the special needs I inquired about and the very next day we got the call that there was a little boy available that fit our profile, with a special need we hadn't even considered because the likelihood of a match seemed low, but God had other plans. 

Judah has been home for almost a month, and for us adults, the adjustment period is a bit easier. Our minds are capable of understanding these changes. Sometimes, we don't like them, or are frustrated with them, but we can understand them. But for our two three year olds? They could use some time yet, both of them. Adoption is not natural, so how can we expect an easy transition for something that comes from brokenness? We can't. 

So when we're low on patience and sleep, when our older son is so overstimulated he's up until midnight or is so frustrated he loses the ability to communicate, when our younger son is refusing a hug or when he stands in the corner because he doesn't understand the meaning of "no" and refuses to join the family, we have to look for our hints of Spring. 

• Two years ago, neither of our boys were home. 
• One year ago, Jordan was still sedated more than a week after his open heart surgery with no immediate plan to extubate. 
• Six months ago, we got to go on a family vacation and received the news we would *not* have to wait to adopt Judah due to policy changes. 
• Six weeks ago, we were still a family of three. 
• Two weeks ago, we were awake at night longer than we were sleeping.
• One week ago we started to actively put a plan in place to help both of them deal with their feelings.
• Three days ago, Judah chose to sit next to me with his books instead of in a chair by himself for over an hour. 
• Yesterday, both boys played basketball and sung along to The Song of the Cebu (it's very catchy; they get their taste from their mom). Athletic and artistic, we keep them well-rounded.  
• This morning, they both ate their breakfast, and second and third breakfasts...Jet didn't choke on a single thing, and Judah was picky--milestones for both of their respective developmental progress. 

And we don't forget the meals, the encouragement, the prayers, and the affirmations of friendship over the past years and months and weeks, especially this past. It would be and sometimes is very easy as adoptive parents to feel misunderstood, isolated, and lonely, but these brief interactions have showed us that we are not any of those things to our friends (and family) who love us. 

Every year my poor little shrub has stubbornly held off, long enough that I start to think that this was the winter that finally ended it,yet it still surprises me every year. Last year, at a brief glance it held not even a hint of flowering the morning Jordan went in for his heart surgery, and yet the day of his discharge was the first day it started to bloom. Even though sometimes we don't feel like we're making progress as a family, we know we just need to look a little harder. We have full confidence that with time, both of our boys will blossom into their full potential as individuals, as sons, and as brothers. 

We have no idea what the future holds for us. Derek and I are looking forward to a our kind of normal year with no expectations except the anticipated (and let's be honest, maybe a few unanticipated) doctor appointments, spring soccer, maybe a baseball game, a family vacation, some yard work, some house work...normal things that we've put off for going on two years. 

But God might have other plans. 

Dear Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends:

First, I know a number of people have asked about meeting us at the airport when we arrive home, and the answer is yes! We will be so excited to see anyone who can meet us at the gate and welcome our new family of three home. Please check out and join our Facebook group "Jet Landing" for detailed flight information. If you do plan to greet us at the gate, we ask that you please do not touch or show affection to Jet as well as limit direct eye contact and communication with him. Remember, this little guy will have had a lot of new experiences in a very short period of time and in addition most likely tired, overstimulated, and scared.

Please keep reading to see how you can help us in the coming weeks...

Derek and I are beyond thankful for the love and support you have all shown us thus far. We are so excited to welcome Jet into our family and know that you are too. We recognize the changes coming our way, especially those for little Jet, and after a lot of thought, prayer, and research we'd appreciate your help and support in the future to make sure Jet's transition to our family is complete. While some of the ways we parent will be the same as parenting a biological child, there will also be some differences. We realize that some of these methods may be unfamiliar to many of you, but we ask that you respect our decisions. It is not our desire to cause any hurt feelings, but I think we can all agree that we all want what's best for Jet!

Our main priority is for Jet to feel safe and secure in his new environment and to learn to trust us as his new parents. That may sound strange--why wouldn't he trust us? After all, by the time we get home, we will have been his sole caregivers for almost two weeks! Plus, he's so young! Surely he will adjust quickly!

That may be true--he will trust us to an extent to meet his basic needs. Please remember however, that just like a newborn and caregiver are starting from the very beginning, we too are starting at the "beginning" with Jet. Adoption is traumatizing regardless of age! New parents, hotel rooms, airplane, more hotels, more planes, cars, new house, new room, new foods, new smells, new clothes, new routines...I could go on but I'm sure you get the drift. Jet needs to know that whatever his needs are, we, as his parents, will be the ones to meet them.

To do that, we will be limiting the number of visitors and his interactions with new people and experiences. In fact, for the first two weeks or so that he is home he won't be leaving the house! If you do plan to drop off a meal or grocery shop, as I know many of you have signed up to do (Thank you!!) please just come to the door and one of us will meet you there. After those two weeks or more if he needs it are up we will slowly start to introduce him to new experiences. For example, we may attempt church on a Sunday and if that goes well then head for groceries on Monday. If not, then we will stay home again for a few days.

Up until now, you may be thinking that Jet will be terribly withdrawn and shy and scared of his shadow but actually, many families experience the opposite. Jet may be friendly, outgoing, extroverted, etc. Children in orphanages are used to going to an adult--any adult--and asking for what they need. This means when you do come to visit or we see you somewhere, he may walk up to you and ask to be picked up or for a drink or a snack or rocked or any number of things--and, here is where we desperately need your help--please do not do any of those things and redirect him to either Derek or me. I know. I just asked you to not help or hug or kiss the cute toddler and go against everything you know to be true in this world. But please, remember again, that Jet needs to learn who his parents are and what parents do.

Please also remember that there is no time limit and this too shall pass! Some children can be well-adjusted within a few months and some may take a year--regardless of age! There will not be a "The ban has been lifted!" announcement free-for-all party at our place announcing that Jet is "fully attached!" No, it will be more of a gradual process most likely filled with a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of progress. Honestly? Our hope is that it's so gradual no one will even notice and in a few months, or a year, or whatever it takes, he will be a happy and well-adjusted little boy who knows he has family and friends who love him.

By no means are we implying that we are experts on the subject of attachment! I am 100% positive there will be times we mess up, but--in addition to everything else we're asking you--please show us some grace? It's our first time as parents, you know! If you want to read about this "Cocooning" method further, there are a number of books about the subject (Recommended reading: The Connected Child)  and any number of blog posts from "been there done that" families. Thank you for your understanding and help while we all try to get used to our new normal!

Current Events

That smirk though!

Four times now I've tried to finish this post on current events, only to have our "happening now" suddenly become old news. I've decided though I'm just going to go with what's happening exactly right now! 

In case you missed the big news, please meet Jet (Jordan Ezekiel)!
Let me tell you a little bit about him, if you're interested (and of course you are)! He is 15 months old (tomorrow) and post-operative for major congenital heart defects--more surgery or other medical interventions may be needed but we won't know that until we see the doctors here. We were matched with him at the beginning of March and received an unexpected update this past week along with another earlier in the month. It's rather strange actually, because all we know about him--his likes, dislikes, and personality--can be condensed into just a few short sentences. It seems like our boy doesn't like dolls and is afraid of strangers, introverted yet affectionate. He's a big fan of snacks--vegetables and bananas and mashed apples and stuffed steamed buns. My personal favorite is that he "does not like orange." I'm not sure if they mean the color or the fruit, but there will be no orange in this house--flavored or otherwise. Derek liked the "when he cries, he does so very loudly and sometimes he has a quick temper." Sounds like a toddler! Most importantly though, he is healthy and is receiving phenomenal care at a private foster care facility, which we could not be more thankful for.

Recently, I was speaking with someone right after we were matched about how important prayer was and is during this whole long process. They were under the sincere impression that our prayers have been answered--and that it was no longer necessary for prayers for us and Jet. I'd like to say I handled my response with tact and grace, but in reality I laughed, a lot, and may or may not have questioned their sanity.

Being matched is not the end my friends. We are ready to meet our son, but there are so many things that need to be accomplished before that can happen. We thank you for the prayers thus far that have been said for Jet and for us, and we continue to ask that you'll remember all three of us in the coming weeks and months, especially in these specific concerns that have been on our hearts lately:

1) Paperwork. There are still some immigration and travel/visa that need to be completed, and we ask that you'd pray with us that everything goes through successfully and also patience on our end. Mostly, for patience. Here are the remaining steps, and timelines, if you're interested:

• Article 5 Drop off (this coming week): Article 5 is letter issued telling China we're eligible to adopt Jet and that he can enter and permanently reside in USA.
• Article 5 Issued (two weeks after drop off)
• Travel Approval (two days to three weeks after Article 5 is received): The CCCWA (China)'s formal invitation to travel to complete the adoption. 
• Travel to China (10-21 days after TA)

2) Finances, also known as the touchy subject. We're getting down to crunch time when the majority of our expenses are coming due. We ask for prayers that we're wise in our spending and in our saving and to know our priorities. We're still selling puzzle pieces to help cover the cost of our airfare, which you can learn more about here. Please, please pray with us that the remaining pieces will be sold and for people to want to get involved.

3) Jet. Knowing that he is afraid of strangers and the major changes that he will be going through in the coming weeks and months hurts our hearts. At some point before we get him, he will be moving from his foster care nanny, with whom he has spent most of his young life, to the Social Welfare Institute (SWI, or orphanage) of the city in which he was born. As you can imagine, this would be overwhelming enough, but add in the fact that he will then meet more strangers who will take him to the other side of the world and overwhelming turns to traumatizing. Remember, as uncomfortable and nervous and out of our element Derek and I will feel, we know what's going on. Jet doesn't, and so we pray that his adjustment and transition to being a part of our family will be as smooth as possible.

If you have any questions, at all, please ask! We'd love to answer them--or try to. We're not experts by any means. Thank you all, again, for your support and for caring about our little family of three. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but we could not do it without prayer. Thank you.