Once Again, Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends:

We are so close to having Travel Approval and a departure date to bring home Judah! February is going to be a very busy month for our family because of both of our boys keeping us busy, so we thought we'd post this now while we still have a chance. You might remember a similar post prior to our departure to leave to bring Jordan home almost two years ago. We thought we would write something similar, and ask that you read through it once again to understand how you can help us in the coming weeks and months! 

Regarding our homecoming: 

I know a number of people have asked about meeting Derek and Judah at the airport--something that we were unable to do with Jet because of extra special circumstances--and we would love it if you would join us at the PIA. Please follow along on Judah's Facebook page where I will be posting the flight information as well as daily updates while Derek, his dad, and Judah are in China. We hope you'll follow along for the actual journey, and this time I'll be updating the page here in States so you won't have to stay up late or get up early to check for new posts. In fact, this will be the last post here for awhile so you'll have to rely on Facebook/Instagram for any updates.    

Just like last time, we ask that in the airport you please do not touch or show affection to Judah as well as limit direct eye contact and communication with him. This is even more important this time around since Judah is a bit older than Jordan was when we brought him home, plus he'll have had a lot of new experiences in a very short period of time that could cause him to be overstimulated and scared, in addition to being exhausted from traveling. I know some of you are huggers, and please, feel free to hug anyone you want--just not Judah! If you want to bring balloons, signs, or gifts, please check in with me first so Derek and I can decide if we think it would be too much or okay for Judah. Given that the boys will each be around three years old, there's a good chance that both of them will vaguely remember this day and we want to make sure they remember it as a exciting and fun time and not scary and overwhelming. 

In fact, please also understand that even last minute, we may decide to keep our homecoming quiet and private, pending how Judah is doing. Again, the Facebook page will have that information. 

Please keep reading to find out how you can help us in the coming weeks...

Derek and I (and Jet) are very thankful once again for the love and support you have all show us thus far. We are so excited to become an official family of four, as this process has been much, much longer than our first time around and we know how excited you all are for us as well! We also recognize the changes coming our way, for all four of us, and once again we'd appreciate your help and support in the future to make Judah's transition into our family complete. 

While some of the ways we parent will be the same as parenting biological children, both to siblings and new additions, there will also be some differences. We realize these methods may be unfamiliar to you or even strange, but we ask that you respect our decisions. We've discussed this at length with our social worker, due to the boys' similar ages, and it is not our desire to cause any hurt feelings (because there will be feelings hurt) but we can all agree that we want what's best for both boys--boys who are old enough to recognize changes but not mature enough to properly handle them emotionally. 

Our main priorities are two-fold:

1. We need Judah to feel safe and secure in his new environment and learn to trust us both as his new parents. 
   
2. We need to make sure, especially given the closeness in their age, that Jordan does not feel left out or replaced.

Because of these, again as mentioned, many ways we parent may seem strange to you. One big reason for doing things this way is because Judah will trust us only to an extent to meet his basic physical needs. Please remember, however, that just like a newborn and caregiver are starting from the very beginning, we too are starting at the "beginning" with Judah. Adoption is traumatizing regardless of age. Within a fifteen(ish) day time span, Judah will have left the only home he's ever known, where he shared a room with ten to twenty other children and rarely left the facility's grounds, to meeting his dad, staying in a hotel, lots of appointments, lots of flights and train rides both in country and back to the States, new foods, new smells, new clothes, and a different language. Judah needs to know that we, as his parents, are his constant and will be the ones to meet his needs, whatever they may be.

We are firm believers that attachment begins the minute your son or daughter is handed to you. Even in China, Derek will be the one to see to Judah's needs while Derek's dad will be, as we like to tease him, a glorified baggage handler with no tips. Once they are home, we will be limiting visitors and Judah's interactions with new people and experiences. In fact, for the first few weeks that he's home he won't be leaving the house. If you do plan to help us in any way or visit, as some of you have already volunteered (thank you!) please text or call us first so we can decide how to proceed. After those first few weeks or more if he needs them are up, we will slowly start to introduce him to new experiences and people. For example, we may attempt church on a Sunday, and if that goes well maybe get groceries on Monday. If not, then we'll stay put for a few days and try again when we feel he's ready. There is no timeline or agenda.

Another way things might seem strange to you is that at times, it may seem like we don't discipline the boys. I promise you, that is not and will not be the case. However, unless Judah (or Jordan) is a danger to himself or others, we will not be enforcing typical rules that you may have in place for your kids who have always lived with you and have trusted you since birth. Things that typically we would even call Jordan out on we may let slide for a short while. In Judah's case, he is only just learning how to live in a family--so how can we expect certain behaviors and rules to be obeyed if he's never experienced them before? We also ask that you do not discipline or correct either of our kids (again, unless they are a danger to themselves or others around them) so that we can establish a trust relationship between all four of us with no resentment. If you do see a questionable behavior, please bring it to Derek's or my attention to handle. 

Judah may seem like a friendly, outgoing, affectionate, and extroverted kid. This is very common for kids who are raised in an institution, but in addition, if his file is indeed correct, both he and Jordan have that special extrovert gene. This is why it's especially important for you to please remember that when you do come into contact with Judah, he may ask you for a snack or to be picked up or read to or any number of things, and--here is the hard part--please do not do what he asks and redirect him to us, his parents.

That's right.

Go against everything that you know to be true and right in this world and do not help the cute little boy with dimples. This rule applies to everyone, no matter your relationship to us and/or him. We know what we are asking, and how hard it will be for some of you, but there is no way for us to know what is Judah's personality vs. what could be a display of typical orphanage behavior. Children in orphanages are used to going to an adult, any adult, and asking for what they need. Not only does Judah need to learn who his parents are and more importantly, what parents do, Derek and I also need to learn about and bond with our son as well.

Before Judah accepts anything--food, affection, toys or gifts--from others, he needs to accept them from both of us. If you do have something you wish to give him, we ask that you wait or that you give it to one of us to screen when an appropriate time would be to give it, no matter how small or large the item. Thank you to those of you who have already done so. He has lived with very little to call his own, and the last thing we want is for him to be overwhelmed with toys and gifts. On the other hand, and this might be the only time we'll say this because it goes against everything we've ever said, this would be an excellent time to affirm Jordan and his place in the family should you still feel the need to shower anyone with gifts.

We realize what we are asking, and that it might seem crazy to you. Again, we have no timeline or agenda. Some children can be well-adjusted within a few months and some may take a year or more--regardless of age! However extreme, all we want is to do whatever is best for Judah and Jordan to make sure they both feel secure in their place in our family. If you're not sure about something, just ask us. Derek or I won't be far away from either of them, or easily reachable, so we'll be happy to answer any of your questions. Some things we might relax right away, and others not, but we have no way of knowing until we are reunited and living together as a family of four. It's a gradual process, full of two steps forward and one step back, but our hope is that it will be so gradual that no one will even notice the tiny changes, and that on Judah's timeline, he will be a happy and well-adjusted little boy who knows he has family and friends who love him, just as Jordan is.

By no means are we implying that we are experts on the subject of attachment. I'm pretty positive that there will be times we mess up, but--in addition to everything else we are already asking you--please show us some grace? We'd like to think we've learned a few things from last time, but every child is different, no matter how they join your family and adjustments always need to be made. If you want to read further about our crazy ways, I'm happy to suggest a number of resources that have been written by psychologists, social workers, and adoptive parents.

Thank you all very much for your understanding and help while we get used to our new normal as a family of four!

NAM2016: Thankful Thursday

How nice that the end of our adoption trip ends on Thanksgiving Day! We are thankful for so many things this year:

-the process of Jordan's adoption being over
-having our financial needs met before we traveled
-Jordan's arrival
-our health
-Jordan's health
-a fantastic team of doctors who care about Jordan, not just as a patient
-our families' health
-our friends here who are also our family
-safe travels to and from China
-family and friends who love us and want to help us when we need it
-a warm house
-not one, not two, but possibly THREE (3) new Christmas trees
-a church family who cares about us
-Derek's job which provides what we need
-.....etc.

But I can tell you, without fail, with absolutely no exaggeration whatsoever in the history of mankind's use of hyperbole, what we were most thankful for in the year of 2016 to date was the wheels of our plane touching down on the runway at O'Hare on June 8 around 1:30 p.m.

That was the longest fourteen hours of our life. It really was.

Let's rewind, shall we?

We departed our Guangzhou hotel around 4:30 a.m. to travel to Hong Kong International Airport via van (estimated arrival time was between 9 and 10). First off, I am not great in the mornings when it's a high stress situation. And I'm not too proud to tell you that when we went through customs from China into Hong Kong and the driver left to use the restroom, I dry-heaved into my purse because that is just how I roll. The fact that Derek opened a pre-packaged breakfast for us that contained hard boiled eggs did not help.

Watching our plane roll up to the gate in HK

However, we made it through customs, to the airport, through baggage check and customs again and security, and to our gate with time to spare. We hit up the Disney store, bought some McDonald's and possibly something similar to Panera, and waited another hour to board. This was probably the first (and last) flight that we had arrived with too much time to spare! That's not a bad thing by the way--just was not our norm for the trip starting with leaving Peoria two weeks earlier!

We boarded our plane, and thankfully had a middle and aisle seat. However, since Jordan was (and still is) under two, he got to sit on our laps for the flight again. This seemed like a great idea at the time when we purchased the tickets almost a month earlier, but it wasn't. Neither of us slept. Jordan fussed the entire trip, even in his sleep. Unknown to us, he was cutting his very last canine. Had we known that, we would have given him some Motrin or something but hindsight is 20/20! Not to mention, the formula still wasn't agreeing with him since we couldn't find what he had been drinking in Beijing anywhere else. We went through a lot of diapers during that plane ride, but we were thankfully only three or four rows up from the bathrooms.

Derek is the most patient person I know. One might say unflappable even. He is, one hundred percent, without a doubt, the opposite of me in every way when it comes high stress and high tension situations. However, at one point on the flight, not even halfway through (eight hours to go to be exact), Derek pretty much threw Jordan toward me (the only way I can describe it) and said "I can't do this anymore" and got up to walk around. Jordan and I had actually just fallen asleep, so we were neither of us happy to have been woken up, but Derek had reached his limit. Honestly, that is the absolute only time I have ever seen that happen. I truly didn't know if he was going to survive the rest of the trip without a mental breakdown. Seriously. And, even though I wasn't pleased to have a now crying toddler thrust into my lap, and a husband pacing the aisles like a crazy person, I kind of...may have...started giggling hysterically. Not really helpful. (Kind of like I am now, just reliving it.)

But, we made it through, and only by the grace of God. Derek is just now--almost six months later--willing to consider flying short distances again. Like maybe, maybe a two hour flight. We've discussed so many vacations and every single one he has said "we'll just drive the twelve, fourteen, thirty-two hours. That is how badly he wanted off of that plane. And please remember...I'm the one with the flying issues.

So....back to "present." When the plane was almost to the ground, I told Derek that as soon as the plane landed we were going to use our elbows and knees and whatever else God gave us to so that we could grab our stuff and get off of that plane. I also said I don't care if the seat belt sign was still on, once those wheels were on the ground, it was GO TIME. Judge not, lest ye be judged, people. And then...then...the wheels hit the ground! Angels sang, I'm pretty sure.

Unfortunately, we were so gungho about getting our junk together that neither of us were paying close attention to Jordan, until our seatmate (who didn't speak English) handed us a tissue and pointed toward his nose...to point out to both of us that Jordan's little nose wasn't just dripping a little blood but full on gushing. Parenting fail. Also, it was at that point that we realized his diaper was full. Full. So really, we didn't need to do much elbowing to get off the flight. When carrying a toddler covered in blood (did I mention he was wearing a white onesie and that was all?) that reeked like none other (thankfully Derek and I were both wearing all black) people move out of your way quickly.

So no. We do not have a triumphant "We've landed in America! Jordan is an American citizen!" photo to share with you, or him someday. It was not a priority. It may have crossed my mind, but I guarantee it did not cross Derek's. At that point we just needed to find a restroom with a changing table. For those of you who have traveled internationally though, you know you can't do that until you've gone through customs...and in our case immigration. We had been warned this could take up to two hours.

It took us five minutes. Five minutes. Let me say again, five minutes. We were through customs, immigration, and had our luggage within a half hour of getting off of that plane. Unheard of. God surely, surely knew we had reached our limit because I do not think that will ever happen again.

That left us with another dilemma. We were supposed to fly home to Peoria at 8:45 that evening--which would leave us with about seven hours to kill at O'Hare. Uh, no. Neither of us (especially Derek) would be getting on a plane anytime soon and we were prepared to rent a car, even though we hadn't slept in about thirty hours. Not our best choice, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Derek went to change Jordan (and throw away that nasty onesie). Also, just an FYI, in the chaos of a bloody nose, a dirty diaper, and just getting off of the plane we forgot our fancy changing pad under the seat...so Derek had to engineer some sort of way to change Jordan without him catching whatever diseases were in the public restroom in O'Hare. He would like me to add here that the baby changing station in that particular restroom was literally a piece of plywood screwed to the wall. Hygienic.

This is when I had a stroke of genius! Derek's parents were headed down to Peoria to meet us at the airport back home! And they had a vehicle with a carseat in it already. BOOM! Done. I called them and they had literally just left their house. Timing is certainly everything! I explained the situation and they were at the airport within a half hour and we were on our way back to Peoria! We are so thankful that's how it worked out. I think they could tell we were in a fog, and also trying to reorganize our timeline like the video camera and whatever friends who weren't at work to meet us at the house instead of hitting us up at the airport that evening as planned. Plus, this was Jordan's first time in a carseat. He wasn't thrilled, but we came prepared with cookies. Somehow, we survived that two and a half hour trip home to our house. There was no triumphant entry. Honestly, I don't think my in-laws know this, (but they will now) but I had reached that point of exhaustion and hunger where I was so nauseated I spent the entire time between Prospect Rd. and Sheridan (so basically two miles from our house) bent over trying not to puke in their backseat. (Surprise! Aren't you glad I didn't?)

Three minutes later...asleep

It was so nice to be home. It was wonderful to be greeted be family and friends at the house who had prayed for us before, during, and after our trip, who cleaned the house while we were gone, and left groceries, dry cleaning, and meals for us so we didn't have to worry for a few days. We were and are so thankful that they made the effort to meet us at the house, considering the unexpected change of plans. We were so happy to be home with our son. And to sleep in our own bed. (Jordan and I conked out around 7, if not earlier.) We are so thankful for our son, the people who cared for him in China, and the people who helped us bring him home.

But, truly...never have we been more thankful for the end of that plane ride...and day.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Love to you all!

-the Tanii



To view our adoption testimony that our church for National Adoption Month, please click here. We are so thankful and honored to share how God worked in our lives over the past year in bringing home Jordan, and hope that speaks to your hearts as well about God's love for His children.

NAM2016: Guangzhou Days 9-14

Before we left, someone told us that once we got to Guangzhou everything was smooth sailing--and they were right! Not only personally, since Jordan was doing so well and I was feeling better, but also the trip itself seemed to get easier.

Of course, we had to actually get to Guangzhou (gwahn-joe) for that to actually happen. Perhaps the most important takeaway here was that while in the Zhengzhou airport I used a squatty potty. Derek tells me that is not the most important aspect of the trip, but I was pretty darn proud of myself. (PS, this is why the majority of the time I was wearing skirts or dresses. One never knows if there will be western toilets available...and a skirt makes things just a bit easier for women!)

Once again, Derek and I (and now Jordan) made it through security with no issues, but the other two families in our group for some reason were given a hard time. We felt bad and nervous for them, since they were traveling with two kids each--a lot to keep track of! But, we did all make it through with time to spare...only to arrive at our gate to find out there were bad storms in Guangzhou. I have to say, the airline was smart not to post anyone at the boarding gate because otherwise they would have had a million and one questions of when this delay would end. Oh, and remember how there isn't air conditioning or much of it inside the airports (or buildings in general)? This terminal was even hotter. But...it had a McDonald's. And if we've learned anything, it is that McDonald's is pretty much always safe to eat. Yet, without anyone at the gate to update us we were all nervous to leave to get something to eat. So...when our boarding time passed, our take off time passed, and even the time we were supposed to land in GZ passed...we figured it was safe and I took orders and ran up the steps with my BFF for the trip (one of the two family's daughters that came with) to the second floor to get to the McDonald's. Only to have Derek come flying up the steps to tell us our flight was boarding.

Fantastic.

Toddler Sleeping. Turbulence off the charts. 

So we all sprinted back down the steps--very hungry at this point--(Derek carrying Jordan) to get to be the last in line to board. Fun fact though, when you're Americans carrying a Chinese toddler--or maybe just a toddler in general--we got to cut everyone and board first. Score! And somehow Derek and I managed to get in preferred seating which had a little extra legroom at the front of the plane. Double points! I want to say the plane provided a meal, but if I remember correctly it was some sort of fish with rice combo. None of the three of us were in love with the option, so we ate the rolls and hoped for the best. Remember, there had been storms...and just because it was now "safe" to fly and/or land did not a pleasant flight make. It was quite bumpy--plus the cabin couldn't regulate the pressure so there was a lot of ear popping. Poor Jordan...everytime he would fall asleep the cabin would lose pressure and his little ears would bother him and he'd cry and wake up. Finally, during the most turbulent part, he fell sound asleep. Out like a light. Us...not so much. (Always strikes a little nerve when you can see the lightning bolts out the windows).

Finally, we landed and after disembarking the plane in pouring rain and dashing to a shuttle that took us to our baggage claim, we made it to the bus to take us to the hotel around midnight Friday night. The kids were wired; the adults were zonked. Also, hungry. Derek and I were able to check into our room very quickly and Derek ran across the street to get McDonald's (like I said, we were starving). Unfortunately, the bellhop had not delivered our luggage to our room and since we had spent approximately eight hours in an airport with two toddlers that were having intestinal issues...there was a diaper shortage. At least I managed to snap a quick picture before a blowout all over our nice white duvet. (It's okay, we got it cleaned up).

BFF

And...now that we were actually in GZ, everyone who said it was the easiest part of the trip was one hundred percent correct. We had to go to the international clinic for the kids to get screened for international travel on Saturday, which other than waiting with other families was very streamlined and fast for us! Sunday we did a little exploring of the hotel (there was a Starbucks, and it was amazing) and did some local touring of the Temple of the Six Banyan Trees, the Ancestral Temple of the Chen Family, and then some shopping where we bought some authentic souvenirs to hopefully pass on to Jordan. Our guide, Kathy, told us that when a baby boy is born you're gifted a piece of jade and you gift it to the wife of your son--if you like her. I have absolutely no idea if that is true, but I like her style.

This Stroller. Lifesaver 

Mom's shopping wears us out!

The sauce was way better!

On Monday, Derek and I were able to take Jordan to the US Consulate and get Jordan's paperwork in order plus take "the oath" since Jordan is too young to say it. Once that was done, as soon as we landed on US soil, he was considered a citizen and his Chinese passport no longer valid. No cameras allowed, but afterward we celebrated at...you guessed it...McDonald's! (There weren't a lot of options our guide recommended outside of our hotel other than McDonald's and Starbucks.) That evening we dined extravagantly on Papa John's pizza and then went on a cruise on the Pearl River to see the lights at night, which was pretty cool. Buildings here definitely don't look like that at night, unless it's the World Series or something.

We tried really hard to get pictures with all three of us smiling, but there were much more interesting things to look at than whoever was behind the camera. Still, they turned out pretty well!

All pearls. Whoa. 

It's tradition. 

On Tuesday, we did what I had been looking forward to the entire trip...other than Jordan of course. Obviously. We went to the Pearl Market. Picture a huge mall...six or seven stories high...with each store selling precious gems or pearls. Obviously, you have to be careful who you buy from as unless you're an expert gemologist you have no way of knowing what is real or not, but we trusted our guide to lead us to a store that had the real thing. And there were bags upon bags of strings of pearls to choose from, plus preset earrings, rings, necklaces, you name it. It was really fun to watch them string the necklaces and bracelets! But it was a long process, and we were all done and headed back to the hotel. The next day would be an early morning for us, as our family would be departing a whole day earlier than the other families since Jordan did not need to be TB tested because he was too little. We met to go over some final paperwork and documentation and then took the traditional pictures with the rest of the families as well as our own family. Then it was time for early dinner and one last bath in the tub that was like a small swimming pool (And yes, this hotel had the glass window to the bathroom too!) and then bedtime for our 4am wake up to leave for Hong Kong!

NAM2016: And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...Zhengzhou Days 5-9

Just an FYI...this is the post of the video and photo dump. This is where we turned into your stereotypical first time parents. You have been warned.

The rest of the week from Gotcha wasn't exactly a blur, but the days did blend together. We soon found out we could not fool our smart son into drinking from anything other than the bottle he arrived with, so we spent a lot of time with one of us washing and boiling it while distracting him with the iPad. The other families were able to take trips to the orphanages where their children were living, but ultimately the majority of the week the three of us were left alone. We made a lot of trips to Walmart, which as previously mentioned involved climbing lots of flights of stairs, crossing a bridge over a busy street, and then back down the stairs...plus a few more blocks. It wasn't that we forgot things, it was mostly just to pass the time. Jordan was waking up around 6am and since we were still jet lagged it didn't bother us at all...but at 8am you run out of things to do fairly quickly in your hotel room.

We had (have) a good eater!

After a very messy breakfast (I don't know why no one bothered to mention to us that the yoghurt is generally eaten with a straw instead of a spoon because it's so thin...but he insisted on feeding himself and we didn't know what else to do!), we headed back to the government building where we received Jordan. We were a little nervous going back there so soon, but this was actually the start of him really opening up and letting us start to see a little of his personality. He never strayed too far from us, which was awesome knowing that the initial trust bond was starting to form, but he also started to interact with the other kids and started walking around. We knew he was capable, but he was just too scared or unsure with us at the point to do so. In fact, he wouldn't even stand on his own the day before on Gotcha day. But here he was, playing and interacting with us and the other kids! We were so thankful.

Playing with the other kids

We woke up like this. No, really. 

Our sleep schedule went a little like this: Jordan would start out being held or snuggling next to me, then very carefully transferred to his crib which we had lowered the side to become a co-sleeper. Probably not the safest, but since he woke up every two or so hours it wasn't a huge issue. We could tell when he woke up...and when he realized he wasn't "home." After a few times of holding him until he fell back asleep and then putting him back in his bed, only to repeat, we finally just started putting him in between us. He still started out in his crib, but it helped us more easily take turns and still try to catch up on sleep and he didn't wake up as much overnight.

To be honest, that week in Zhengzhou was and is still a blur for me--enough so that I asked if Derek would consider writing about this week but he turned me down. Boo. If anyone recalls, I had been diagnosed with an ear infection the week before we left...and had gotten antibiotics for it but was still taking them until about Beijing. Add in a room on the 20th floor, which--in case you're wondering--is just high enough to make your ears pop every time you go up and down, plus jet lag...and I spent the majority of Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday either lying down or, as our travel group can testify to, with my head between my knees to prevent passing out when we went to apply for Jordan's passport at the police station. I needed sleep, rest (which are two different things), and water. (Apparently, I learned later, this happens to quite a few people who don't hydrate enough when jet lagged.)

Silly

Sassy

It was a blessing in disguise actually, because on our first day together (Monday) Jordan wanted nothing to do with Derek for any sort of extended period of time. However, since Tuesday I was pretty much out of commission all day except for the trip to the local police station for his Chinese passport. This meant Jordan got to spend a lot of time with Derek, whether he wanted to or not! We were also thankful because often times in those situations the baby or child will attach and stay attached to that one parent, but Jordan honestly was good with both of us! By the end of the week, he was catching up on his sleep (waking up less) and staying awake more (fighting that fight or flight instinct). We were seeing his sassy little personality come through. (If he didn't agree or wanted something different, he would very dramatically make his opinion known.) He would play with us, and loved bath time. We had our routine in place of both of us helping with bath time, then I would get his pajamas on while Derek escaped to Walmart for a bit. About the time that Derek got back, Jordan would be asleep and we would transfer him to his crib, where he wouldn't wake up and move to our bed until around 1 or 2 a.m. Pretty good, right? We did a lot of high-fiving. I distinctly remember one of our videos that we posted where Jordan was interacting with us, and I know a lot of people commented about how much he loved us already. I really don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but that probably wasn't true. Were we fun and cool people to hang out with? Duh. Did we have fun toys and a sweet iPad? Yes. Were we his only choice for immediate and necessary survival? A resounding yes. And that is what you're seeing in that video.

Walking around the block

The only other thing we did that week was head to the local notary office, which did not have an elevator--or air conditioning. I was extremely nervous about that since I was just barely starting to feel human again! Derek and I, being the spring chickens we are, practically sprinted up those six flights of steps while holding a toddler and my giant diaper bag/purse filled with every essential thing plus gifts for the government officials...only to be told it was actually the fifth floor. Clearly, although I discovered I was not as in shape as I thought I was, I was feeling better because earlier that week walking across the hotel lobby had me pretty much collapsing against a pillar with my vision blacking out. (Sorry, to everyone who is reading this going "how come you never told us this?" And that answer would be because we didn't want to worry you unnecessarily. Our guide, Tina, checked on me almost hourly to make sure I felt okay, and I had come prepared with every single medicine--prescription or otherwise--known to man so I knew it would just take some time.) By the end of the week, I was feeling well enough to go on walks with both of them around the hotel grounds and block. (Plus here's a few videos to give you a feel for the area...)

Mr. Curious

Mr. Independent

Mr. Tired and Overwhelmed (AKA time to go back to hotel).

Zhengzhou is very urban, as I think I mentioned before. We didn't do any sightseeing, mostly because I was sick but also because there really wasn't an opportunity to do so. We had discussed that if an opportunity came up Derek would take Jordan but that wasn't the case. However, our hotel windows (being on the 20th floor) provided lots of entertainment. It was rainy off and on all week, and so if and when we did venture to Walmart we avoided any and all puddles (you really just never know). These next three videos were part of our daily trip to Walmart...including the funky escalator ramp thing to enter the actual store. (We start the videos at the top of the bridge...we didn't have ten minutes of video space on our phones to record the whole trip!)

My all time favorite--all time favorite ever--video in Zhengzhou we aren't featured in at all. Occasionally, we would randomly hear this music that we didn't have any idea where it was coming from...until we finally figured out it was the street cleaners! You'll have to make sure your sound is on to hear it...and also remember that it was the first week of June. And that we were in China. Which as a rule doesn't really celebrate this holiday.

Merry Christmas!

With our guide Tina in the Zhengzhou airport!

See you in Guangzhou!

NAM2016: Our Family Day 5/30/16

I realize this is about five days late, but its been a pretty interesting five days here. However, here is the long-awaited post about Gotcha Day. We like to call it Family Day, by the way. We have nothing against the Gotcha Day phrase, and there are a lot of different reasons for why people use either term, but Family Day for us just sounds more...family. We also wanted to post this since so many of you prayed for us both this day and every day since (and many of you days and months before). Plus, with our church showing our adoption testimony video on Sunday, we figured some people may be interested in a little more behind the scenes. (Note, for those of you that missed the video, it should be available soonish to view and share.) This will probably be a long post because I do plan to go through the entire day until bedtime--not just for your sake but for ours and Jet's memories someday.

As I previously mentioned in my last post, we had the absolute best night's sleep the night before we went to the government building to receive Jet--probably the best night's sleep we had in the entire months of both May and June. That was definitely a God thing, but I honestly don't know how else that would have been possible. Derek laughed at me because I was trying on clothes like a maniac that morning knowing there would be photographs and videos, but finally just went with what was comfortable. It was 85 degrees outside and other than our hotel, most buildings did not have air conditioning. Also, gents reading...sorry, this is TMI, but for the ladies...underwire was not an option. Go with the sports bra if you travel to China in the summer. Life. Saver. Derek clearly spent a lot of time on his clothing choices too, before we snapped a picture of ourselves and all the gifts (for the orphanage workers and his ayi...although I'm not positive that his ayi received her gift). We also loaded up my giant purse and a few bags with supplies, since we had absolutely no idea when we would be coming back to the hotel. Before we left, I also just want to plug our absolutely amazing hotel buffet. Many of you know I can barely eat breakfast (don't judge, I know it's a terrible habit) and if I do eat it, it cannot be sweet. This food was amazing. I still make these things for breakfast and just the other day Jet and I had leftover lo mein for breakfast with eggs.

The building was much closer to the hotel than we knew and arrived around 9am, and the three of us families with our agency shared a quick prayer together before we began the wait for our children. Essentially unless special arrangements are made, all families adopting in the Henan province meet in the capital city of Zhengzhou at the Henan Centre for Children's Adoption, so there were a few other families waiting there as well with their agency reps for their children. Derek and I (and the other families) settled in for a longer wait and tried to calm our sudden nerves, because This. Was. Happening.



And, happen quickly it did. Suddenly, no more than five minutes after we sat down and ten minutes after arrival, there was a flurry of movement and voices. Obviously, neither of us spoke the language so we had absolutely no clue what was going on until our guide gestured to us that Jian Guo had arrived. Jian Guo!? That was our son! He arrived with his beloved ayi who was his sole caregiver and they apparently had taken the bullet train from Beijing to Zhengzhou that morning (so he'd been up since before 6am...already he'd experienced an eventful morning)! He was very big-eyed, and clinging to his ayi yet checking out the room thoroughly (we have since learned about him that he IS quite nosy, but also very observant when in new surroundings). I've attached the two best videos we have, and they pretty much say what I can't.

The handoff, as Derek likes to call it, went pretty well until Jordan realized "wait. I have to STAY with these people? But I don't know them!" Our guide interpreted for us that he had heart medication that he needed to take twice a day and asked if we had any questions. Honestly, we didn't...but only because we had absolutely no idea what to ask (as you can see in that second video). We had already been given his general daily schedule, a few days worth of his formula, and other than that we just didn't know what were typical questions to ask. Beyond that, we had anticipated waiting hours for his arrival--not five minutes. I think all of the families were thrown off, because we didn't even have a chance to give people our cameras. 

His ayi kissed him goodbye, once, then twice, and left. Looking back, I can see in photos that it was hard for her to say goodbye. One special item that did not make it into any of our photos was a pillow that had traveled with him that had pictures of all of his "brothers and sisters" from Morning Star to keep him company on the train. If anything, that's what got to me. I wish we had been thinking clearly enough to get a photo with her, or at least her name, but we weren't. 

The next couple hours were painful. It was so hard, because he was beside himself (plus he was hot). We removed a layer of clothing and started sponging him off but he wasn't having it. For about two hours, until the other families received their children, I wandered around that room with him while he sobbed. (Yes, I still tear up now thinking about it.) We received lots of encouragement from the other families and guides that it was normal, but we could see that some of them were thinking "is this what it will be like for us?" Our guide, Tina, did pull me aside during our pacing and said the more the child cried on Family Day the faster the adjustment would be. At that point, I felt like our adjustment should be immediate, based on how things were going! But slowly, we made progress. I learned we didn't walk past the door, because that was where he last saw his ayi. His arm slowly started to wrap around my side and slowly he started to lean on me instead of pulling away. His bottle, his beloved bottle that many of you have seen and we still use during upsetting days, did not leave his mouth. We were a snotty, drooly, formula covered hot mess--both of us. Lest you think that Derek was just standing around, he was actually fanning us to keep us as cool as possible...most of the pictures we have were taken by others. At this point, I honestly felt (and I think Derek did too) like we were the absolute worst people in the world. As far as Jet was concerned, WE did this to him. This was OUR fault. WE were the ones who took him away from everything comfortable. I know this isn't true, but I don't know how else to communicate to you how we felt in that moment. 

Ever so slowly, he calmed down. If loud noises (new family members arriving) happened or I made the mistake of heading past the door for some air, we'd start up crying again but by the time we got in the bus he had settled down. No smiles of course, but no more tears. He was, truly, just exhausted at that point--and who could blame him. Crying takes it out of you, traveling takes it out of you, new experiences take it out of you...he was three for three--as evidenced by the absolute immediate sleep when we got in the van to head back to the hotel. (We also soon learned that as a "fight or flight" response, Jordan's was flight--and by flight we mean sleep since it's not like he was mobile! Sleep allowed him to escape the situation.) But you have to admit, sweaty hot mess and all, he was (and is) pretty darn cute. 

Once we got back to the room, we soon learned I would not be able to put him down for anything (and that he was quite particular about how to sit on me). Eye contact was still kept at a minimum and still no smiles. Derek ordered some lunch and we ate in the room while Jordan ate some snacks that had been sent with him somehow with his bottle still in his mouth. (By the way, even now, when he sees pictures of himself with that particular bottle, he still asks for "milk?") Our very clean and white bedding was quickly covered with crumbs. We also stupidly attempted a selfie, which just made things worse. He was comfortable, or at least getting there, and then we disrupted him to make him take a picture for our Jet Landing Facebook page. Fail. There were a lot of parenting fails that day, but he doesn't hold them against us and it's not like kids come with a manual anyway! We also learned quite quickly he did NOT like my long(ish) blonde hair anywhere near his face. Actually only recently does he like it now--by recently I mean in the past month he thinks it's hilarious and awesome. That particular day however, it was terrifying.

Then, because we are awesome at knowing the best thing to do, we decided that since he was covered in drool/snot/crumbs/slime, we should at least hose him down in the giant bathtub. No. Wrong decision. Adoptive parents reading this, I feel and accept your judgement. No need to rub it in. However, he was clean, and everyone (IMO) sleeps better when they're in clean clothes. And his cheeks were huge and adorable. The absolute best. Clearly, this boy liked to eat. He finally fell asleep on Mama, but unfortunately we had a major problem. Well, I had a major problem. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with Derek yet at this point--wouldn't even look at him but (here comes more TMI) I had to pee SO. BAD. Sorry, but it's true. So after traumatizing him with the bath, it was either embarrass myself with the hotel staff or traumatize him further and wake him up to have Baba (Daddy) hold him. Obviously, we chose the latter.

But you know what? It went fine. I mean, we did have some tears, but Derek FINALLY got to hold his son too. And yes, those clear glass bathroom walls did come in handy so Jet could see that I wasn't leaving. Plus, he let Derek hold him long enough that I could get a few pictures after I got back. AND he stopped crying. We call that progress. Then the progress started happening even faster. Instead of needing to be on my lap at all times, he would sometimes go by Derek. He still refused to walk or crawl, but he did start to venture out onto the bed--not off of the bed, just move around on it. We were ecstatic! This is actually typical behavior: start with where they feel safe and let them explore on their own from there. We may have pushed it with the bath, but clearly the prayers from the other side of the world from the people who stayed up all night or most of the night for this were helping. The bottle was attached though--I still want to know if this was his comfort only because it came with him or if this was HIS bottle with Morning Star and what he had always used. By the way, the only time this bottle was not attached to his person was when we got our official picture taken for our paperwork. He had literally just calmed down--again--and they took the bottle out of his mouth...and man, did he let everyone know what he thought about that!

We really didn't do much during the rest of the day--just played with the iPad and apparently he already know how to use a phone; we ate some more room service supper even though the other families offered to meet us in the dining room for dinner. We really felt the cocooning process that we wrote about before we left started from the second we got him, and wanted him to get used to us before we started taking him out on our own--unless we had to.

We did another bath, which went almost as well as the last one, and then got him ready for bed. It gets dark there around 6:30, which threw us off for the entire trip since back home it wasn't dark until 8:30 or so. We actually started a routine that night that lasted the rest of the trip. Both of us would do bath time with him and get jammies on him, then I would lay in bed with him until he fell asleep while Derek ran (walked up and down two huge flights of stairs to cross a bridge plus a few more blocks) to the Walmart to get snacks or things we needed. Usually, it was Coke or a Snickers, but also things like looking for a second bottle like the one he had, etc. (FYI, we had people looking at home too. The closest we could find cost $80. We did not buy it.) By the time Derek would get back, Jet would be asleep enough that I could transfer him to his crib (which we turned into a cosleeper) and we'd take turns taking showers and going to bed. But that first night? We were all exhausted. I'm still glad Derek made it back from Walmart safely because selfishly I just wanted a shower and bed.

At the end of the day, regardless of the exhaustion, tears, boogers, more tears, exhaustion...he was ours. The paperwork was officially signed and we were his legal guardians. I believe there was a twenty four hour period where we could change our minds, but there was and never had been even an iota of doubt to do so. Feng Jian Guo, now known as Jordan Ezekiel Tanis, or Jet, became a member of our Family on May 30, 2016. Praising God still for all He has done to orchestrate this amazing plan for all three of our lives. 

NAM2016: Welcome to Zhengzhou! Day 5

Leaving Beijing was a lot more relaxed than our arrival. Not only did we have our guide with us, but we were more familiar with the airport or at least what to expect and had a group to travel with. Our agency does allow you to travel by yourself and provide you with a guide if there wasn't a group to add on to, but I highly recommend going with a group. These are the people who are going to entertain your kid(s) when you're signing paperwork, share medication with you that you don't have, run to Pizza Hut across the street if you can't leave your room...these people are IN IT with you. We all made it through security with no problems. For some reason, Derek and I never had any issues with security but the other two families would be stopped for trivial things--things that were insignificant but scary when you can't understand what people are telling you.

Once we arrived in Zhengzhou (pronounced JUNG-joe), we quickly gathered our luggage (it is an amazing amount of luggage to find and haul for six adults, two kids, and three anticipated children). Even when you pack light...it's still a lot. I even left my hair dryer at home people. I don't think you know the sacrifice that was for me. We located another fantastic guide (shout out to Tina!) and marched through the airport school children style to our transportation outside. We had some trouble with the bus that was going to take us to the hotel (located about an hour from the airport). None of us still quite know what was going on, but the police boarded the bus and escorted the driver off, and then a lot of yelling/loud talking commenced. Phone calls were made, there was a lot of waving of arms...we didn't know if we were ever going to arrive. Was it because we were American? Were we going to have to pay them off? These were the questions going through all of our minds. However, I guess (?) there was just a problem with the driver's credentials. How the police could tell that just by the bus parked and us boarding I don't know, but that's the story and we're sticking to it. While we were waiting for this to be resolved, Tina gave us the most recent updates on our children which included things like current weight, height, favorite foods (actual brands), type of formula, etc. We all poured over this information like it was gold and shared the little anecdotes about our children's personalities--friendly, extroverted, mischievous, smart, determined...we were all proud parents at that moment and yet hadn't met our kids.

We did finally make it to the (very ornate) hotel. Just check out the lobby! This one was even nicer than the last. We all had rooms near each other on the 20th floor (yikes!) but it made for some awesome views. Oh, and yes, once again, we had the super fancy and open bathroom walls, but these came with an automatic curtain plus the shower and toilet were each their own separate rooms within the bathroom. Phew! Having a bathtub was super nice for a toddler, although this one was big enough to swim in.

What was nice about this hotel was that we were right across the street from Pizza Hut, Subway, Burger King that we could actually see from our room...plus it had pretty decent room service. We were pretty set for food. After grabbing some dinner (the absolute best hamburger via room service ever) we met back with our guide to do some shopping at the local Walmart. Yes, Walmarts truly are everywhere and have everything you need. We bought the few snacks that we were told toddlers liked (and actually, we liked them a lot too) and headed back to prepare for the next day.

Our gifts were prepared, our name tags were ready, and most of all, our room had a crib in it. That was what made it so real. The next day, we would have a baby in that crib. There would be three of us instead of two in the room. We would be meeting Jordan the next day! We knew people back home were praying for us and praying for him. You'd think that we wouldn't have slept well at all that night, but we did. It was probably the best nights' sleep we had in China, knowing that finally, finally things were happening. If our minds were on anything at all, it was that this little boy was about to have his entire world rocked and that we wanted it to be as smooth a transition as possible for him. We were getting ready for bed in Zhengzhou, but Jet was getting ready for bed (or already sleeping) in Beijing and was too little to understand that he would be leaving the only family he ever knew the next morning. Gotcha Day (or Family Day as we actually have started to call it recently) was just the beginning. This may seem like a weird place to end this post, but really...let's just draw out the suspense a little bit longer, shall we?

This picture probably says it all. 

Tomorrow...Finally Family Day! Stay Tuned!