NAM2016: And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...Zhengzhou Days 5-9

Just an FYI...this is the post of the video and photo dump. This is where we turned into your stereotypical first time parents. You have been warned.

The rest of the week from Gotcha wasn't exactly a blur, but the days did blend together. We soon found out we could not fool our smart son into drinking from anything other than the bottle he arrived with, so we spent a lot of time with one of us washing and boiling it while distracting him with the iPad. The other families were able to take trips to the orphanages where their children were living, but ultimately the majority of the week the three of us were left alone. We made a lot of trips to Walmart, which as previously mentioned involved climbing lots of flights of stairs, crossing a bridge over a busy street, and then back down the stairs...plus a few more blocks. It wasn't that we forgot things, it was mostly just to pass the time. Jordan was waking up around 6am and since we were still jet lagged it didn't bother us at all...but at 8am you run out of things to do fairly quickly in your hotel room.

We had (have) a good eater!

After a very messy breakfast (I don't know why no one bothered to mention to us that the yoghurt is generally eaten with a straw instead of a spoon because it's so thin...but he insisted on feeding himself and we didn't know what else to do!), we headed back to the government building where we received Jordan. We were a little nervous going back there so soon, but this was actually the start of him really opening up and letting us start to see a little of his personality. He never strayed too far from us, which was awesome knowing that the initial trust bond was starting to form, but he also started to interact with the other kids and started walking around. We knew he was capable, but he was just too scared or unsure with us at the point to do so. In fact, he wouldn't even stand on his own the day before on Gotcha day. But here he was, playing and interacting with us and the other kids! We were so thankful.

Playing with the other kids

We woke up like this. No, really. 

Our sleep schedule went a little like this: Jordan would start out being held or snuggling next to me, then very carefully transferred to his crib which we had lowered the side to become a co-sleeper. Probably not the safest, but since he woke up every two or so hours it wasn't a huge issue. We could tell when he woke up...and when he realized he wasn't "home." After a few times of holding him until he fell back asleep and then putting him back in his bed, only to repeat, we finally just started putting him in between us. He still started out in his crib, but it helped us more easily take turns and still try to catch up on sleep and he didn't wake up as much overnight.

To be honest, that week in Zhengzhou was and is still a blur for me--enough so that I asked if Derek would consider writing about this week but he turned me down. Boo. If anyone recalls, I had been diagnosed with an ear infection the week before we left...and had gotten antibiotics for it but was still taking them until about Beijing. Add in a room on the 20th floor, which--in case you're wondering--is just high enough to make your ears pop every time you go up and down, plus jet lag...and I spent the majority of Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday either lying down or, as our travel group can testify to, with my head between my knees to prevent passing out when we went to apply for Jordan's passport at the police station. I needed sleep, rest (which are two different things), and water. (Apparently, I learned later, this happens to quite a few people who don't hydrate enough when jet lagged.)

Silly

Sassy

It was a blessing in disguise actually, because on our first day together (Monday) Jordan wanted nothing to do with Derek for any sort of extended period of time. However, since Tuesday I was pretty much out of commission all day except for the trip to the local police station for his Chinese passport. This meant Jordan got to spend a lot of time with Derek, whether he wanted to or not! We were also thankful because often times in those situations the baby or child will attach and stay attached to that one parent, but Jordan honestly was good with both of us! By the end of the week, he was catching up on his sleep (waking up less) and staying awake more (fighting that fight or flight instinct). We were seeing his sassy little personality come through. (If he didn't agree or wanted something different, he would very dramatically make his opinion known.) He would play with us, and loved bath time. We had our routine in place of both of us helping with bath time, then I would get his pajamas on while Derek escaped to Walmart for a bit. About the time that Derek got back, Jordan would be asleep and we would transfer him to his crib, where he wouldn't wake up and move to our bed until around 1 or 2 a.m. Pretty good, right? We did a lot of high-fiving. I distinctly remember one of our videos that we posted where Jordan was interacting with us, and I know a lot of people commented about how much he loved us already. I really don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but that probably wasn't true. Were we fun and cool people to hang out with? Duh. Did we have fun toys and a sweet iPad? Yes. Were we his only choice for immediate and necessary survival? A resounding yes. And that is what you're seeing in that video.

Walking around the block

The only other thing we did that week was head to the local notary office, which did not have an elevator--or air conditioning. I was extremely nervous about that since I was just barely starting to feel human again! Derek and I, being the spring chickens we are, practically sprinted up those six flights of steps while holding a toddler and my giant diaper bag/purse filled with every essential thing plus gifts for the government officials...only to be told it was actually the fifth floor. Clearly, although I discovered I was not as in shape as I thought I was, I was feeling better because earlier that week walking across the hotel lobby had me pretty much collapsing against a pillar with my vision blacking out. (Sorry, to everyone who is reading this going "how come you never told us this?" And that answer would be because we didn't want to worry you unnecessarily. Our guide, Tina, checked on me almost hourly to make sure I felt okay, and I had come prepared with every single medicine--prescription or otherwise--known to man so I knew it would just take some time.) By the end of the week, I was feeling well enough to go on walks with both of them around the hotel grounds and block. (Plus here's a few videos to give you a feel for the area...)

Mr. Curious

Mr. Independent

Mr. Tired and Overwhelmed (AKA time to go back to hotel).

Zhengzhou is very urban, as I think I mentioned before. We didn't do any sightseeing, mostly because I was sick but also because there really wasn't an opportunity to do so. We had discussed that if an opportunity came up Derek would take Jordan but that wasn't the case. However, our hotel windows (being on the 20th floor) provided lots of entertainment. It was rainy off and on all week, and so if and when we did venture to Walmart we avoided any and all puddles (you really just never know). These next three videos were part of our daily trip to Walmart...including the funky escalator ramp thing to enter the actual store. (We start the videos at the top of the bridge...we didn't have ten minutes of video space on our phones to record the whole trip!)

My all time favorite--all time favorite ever--video in Zhengzhou we aren't featured in at all. Occasionally, we would randomly hear this music that we didn't have any idea where it was coming from...until we finally figured out it was the street cleaners! You'll have to make sure your sound is on to hear it...and also remember that it was the first week of June. And that we were in China. Which as a rule doesn't really celebrate this holiday.

Merry Christmas!

With our guide Tina in the Zhengzhou airport!

See you in Guangzhou!

In Sickness and in...Death?

Hear me now, no one is dying...and I do have a reason for that title. We've all learned in English Lit at some point in our lives that a good title is what draws people in, and this is way catchier than "Happy Nine Years to Us!"

Today is our ninth anniversary--and beyond that thirteen years since we got together. How did this happen? It's a weird mix of realizing the changes in ourselves and yet still feeling like the kids we were when we started dating in high school.

I like pictures. Pictures tell a story. I promise, I'll get around to explaining the title of this blog, and it's nothing bad. But for now, a not-so-brief walk through memory lane. Humor me. (And also, since digital cameras weren't really a thing until our wedding and after...we are officially that old...I don't exactly have a ton of pre-wedding photos!) I would also just like to note that we were the first wedding to do sparklers at First Church in Lansing...when we asked if that was okay, PK said "well, there's no rule yet..." so sounded like a yes to us! We took a short honeymoon in Jamaica, and honestly felt like actual adults (I mean, we were...but this was one of those fancy-schmancy all-inclusives. Living. The. Life.)

Then...flash forward six months to Derek graduating Valpo, moving to Peoria, buying a house, and starting at Cat (all within about a month's time). Yes, we know. Crazy. But that's generally how we roll...deal with everything after the fact! Not to worry, we are learning how to process things correctly.

I know many of you don't remember, but yes, we did have some absolutely...intriguing wallpaper and decor when we bought this house and I thought I should include that for the memories. Or for just the shock factor. That is a LOT of floral wallpaper--and forest green trim. And it was everywhere...the hallway to the main floor bedrooms, the dining room, etc. I made the picture big enough for you to get the full effect, because it was important to me to ingrain it upon your memories as it is ours.

After those fast moving months though, came some fun parts. We got our little puppy, Casey, who is going to be nine in May (old man dog). We did some house remodeling--really, more than some--we did a LOT. Our house you could call our baby really, if you want to stretch it a little bit.

Perhaps the most fun we've had thus far was being DINKS (Dual Income, No Kids) for the majority of these nine years. That's not to knock anyone who had or is having kids right away, but it was a special time for us! We were able to do a lot of traveling that I don't think we would have done otherwise, or at least not for a long time.

We did Cabo...

And a Disney Cruise with family where we stopped in Key West, Grand Cayman (sea turtles!), and Cozumel...

We did a Highway 1 roadtrip through California, starting in Monterey and ending in Santa Barbara...

Lone Cypress/17 Mile Drive

Monterey Mission

McWay Falls

Bixby Bridge

Butterfly Beach (Not our dog.)

Guitar Bar

Carr Winery

And as our "babymoon" or last trip before bringing home Baby Tanis, yet unknown, in Seaside, FL.

Obviously, in the past six months, things have changed. There were two of us, and now there's three. And in the spirit of complete honesty and transparency, the last night of our vacation in Florida I did cry, because I knew things would change. I knew things would be better, but I knew things would be different. 

And they have been different! We're still adjusting to a family of three. And that's where the title of this blog comes in. On a particularly rough day, where I was sick and Jordan was sick and Derek was just trying to hold down the fort and all of our sanity, I will admit to being overly emotional and exhausted and just asking Derek is this what he signed up for? And his response was very serious and heartfelt: "of course! I promised in sickness and in death."

Sickness and death. Sure. Those weren't exactly the vows I remember saying, but sure. I mean, I guess we can work with that. 

In high school, we had to write a paper freshmen year about a coming of age moment, (ironically in the class that Derek and I met) and I distinctly remember our teacher's example of coming home from the hospital with their new baby and realizing the changes happening, and that's what these past six months have been for us. Please don't misunderstand, we're SO excited to be a family of three. So excited to see what the next years bring us! But there's that bittersweet element to it too. Midnight movie showings are harder to work into a schedule. Spur of the moment weekend trips require actual planning. Sleeping in? Well...that we can't complain about since Jordan didn't wake up until 9:30 today lol. And one of the best parts about all of this? That's normal. We're completely normal to feel this way, which is such a relief. 

And the absolute, 100% best part? We're still in this together. Now all three of us. How exciting is that!  

NAM2016: One Less

It is estimated that there are over 140 million documented orphans in the world per UNICEF. Approximately half of the 19.5 million registered refugees in the world today are children. Although only one third of the world's population, children make up over half of those in the world living in extreme poverty. Over 250,000 children in the United States enter the foster care system every year (more than half are able to return to their families) with over 20,000 aging out of the system without adoption. There are approximately 415,000 children in the United States foster care system with approximately over 17,000 of them in IL. Over 104,000 children in the United States foster care system are waiting to be adopted.

That's a lot of numbers and statistics, but I'm married to an engineer. If you're interested in even more statistics, click here.

Orphan care wasn't something that Derek and I fully understood when we first decided to pursue adoption two years ago. Sure, adoption is a facet of orphan care--and a big one--there's no denying that. I think we've all heard the statistics "If there are x number of Christians in the world, and y number of orphans, then it is each Christian's duty to adopt so that there would be no more orphans."

But first, exactly, what is an orphan? What does an orphan look like? A simple google of the definition of the word brings the obvious answer of "a child who has lost both parents, or less commonly, one parent, to death." Yet, the term orphan is also defined as "a person that is without protective affiliation, sponsorship, etc."

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause." Isaiah 1:17

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me...'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me. Matthew 25: 35-36, 40

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and probably catch some flak for saying this, but I disagree with the common statement that I've seen on Facebook and other social media that since God commands the care of orphans, every Christian needs to adopt--thus eliminating the need for orphan care. I will, however, say that every Christian is called to do something. Anything. We are not limited to foster care or adoption.

That can be child sponsorship.
That can be making hygiene kits to send to refugee children.

That can be adoption through foster care. 

That can be short term foster care.
That can be financial support to families who are doing any of those things--and yes, they need that support, and unless you have experienced it firsthand--more than you can know.
That can be using your gifts and abilities as a medical resource to answer questions about a child's file.
That can be respite care, or bringing a meal, or shopping for a family who just received a new foster placement.
That can be cleaning someone's house while they are traveling to bring their child home, or cleaning someone's house simply because they don't have the energy to do so while caring and bonding with new child.
That can be volunteering your time to serve at the local pregnancy crisis center.
That can be paying for the groceries of the teen mother in front of you with her newborn.
That can be volunteering your lunch hour to spend at an inner city school to share a meal with a student.
That can be providing emotional support to a family adjusting to a new child.
That can be supporting an organization that helps keep families together.

And yes, that can be adoption, both international and domestic.

You may have other ideas you can add to this list! Please do share! Derek and I chose to adopt from China. That's just where we felt led to serve. In the future, our hope and prayer is to go back for another son or daughter should that be what we're called to do. In the short term, we hope to be a resource to however God wants us to be used. This Orphan Sunday, Derek and I celebrate with children and families that have adopted to say there is "one less" orphan in the world. Please, join us in helping make other families be able to say there is one less--whether that's one less child going hungry, one less child feeling unsafe, or one less child without a forever family.

Baby Tanis November 2014

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Other resources for you:
http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/
http://www.theforgotteninitiative.org/
https://cafo.org/orphansunday/
https://www.samaritanspurse.org/