NAM2016: Our Family Day 5/30/16

I realize this is about five days late, but its been a pretty interesting five days here. However, here is the long-awaited post about Gotcha Day. We like to call it Family Day, by the way. We have nothing against the Gotcha Day phrase, and there are a lot of different reasons for why people use either term, but Family Day for us just sounds more...family. We also wanted to post this since so many of you prayed for us both this day and every day since (and many of you days and months before). Plus, with our church showing our adoption testimony video on Sunday, we figured some people may be interested in a little more behind the scenes. (Note, for those of you that missed the video, it should be available soonish to view and share.) This will probably be a long post because I do plan to go through the entire day until bedtime--not just for your sake but for ours and Jet's memories someday.

As I previously mentioned in my last post, we had the absolute best night's sleep the night before we went to the government building to receive Jet--probably the best night's sleep we had in the entire months of both May and June. That was definitely a God thing, but I honestly don't know how else that would have been possible. Derek laughed at me because I was trying on clothes like a maniac that morning knowing there would be photographs and videos, but finally just went with what was comfortable. It was 85 degrees outside and other than our hotel, most buildings did not have air conditioning. Also, gents reading...sorry, this is TMI, but for the ladies...underwire was not an option. Go with the sports bra if you travel to China in the summer. Life. Saver. Derek clearly spent a lot of time on his clothing choices too, before we snapped a picture of ourselves and all the gifts (for the orphanage workers and his ayi...although I'm not positive that his ayi received her gift). We also loaded up my giant purse and a few bags with supplies, since we had absolutely no idea when we would be coming back to the hotel. Before we left, I also just want to plug our absolutely amazing hotel buffet. Many of you know I can barely eat breakfast (don't judge, I know it's a terrible habit) and if I do eat it, it cannot be sweet. This food was amazing. I still make these things for breakfast and just the other day Jet and I had leftover lo mein for breakfast with eggs.

The building was much closer to the hotel than we knew and arrived around 9am, and the three of us families with our agency shared a quick prayer together before we began the wait for our children. Essentially unless special arrangements are made, all families adopting in the Henan province meet in the capital city of Zhengzhou at the Henan Centre for Children's Adoption, so there were a few other families waiting there as well with their agency reps for their children. Derek and I (and the other families) settled in for a longer wait and tried to calm our sudden nerves, because This. Was. Happening.



And, happen quickly it did. Suddenly, no more than five minutes after we sat down and ten minutes after arrival, there was a flurry of movement and voices. Obviously, neither of us spoke the language so we had absolutely no clue what was going on until our guide gestured to us that Jian Guo had arrived. Jian Guo!? That was our son! He arrived with his beloved ayi who was his sole caregiver and they apparently had taken the bullet train from Beijing to Zhengzhou that morning (so he'd been up since before 6am...already he'd experienced an eventful morning)! He was very big-eyed, and clinging to his ayi yet checking out the room thoroughly (we have since learned about him that he IS quite nosy, but also very observant when in new surroundings). I've attached the two best videos we have, and they pretty much say what I can't.

The handoff, as Derek likes to call it, went pretty well until Jordan realized "wait. I have to STAY with these people? But I don't know them!" Our guide interpreted for us that he had heart medication that he needed to take twice a day and asked if we had any questions. Honestly, we didn't...but only because we had absolutely no idea what to ask (as you can see in that second video). We had already been given his general daily schedule, a few days worth of his formula, and other than that we just didn't know what were typical questions to ask. Beyond that, we had anticipated waiting hours for his arrival--not five minutes. I think all of the families were thrown off, because we didn't even have a chance to give people our cameras. 

His ayi kissed him goodbye, once, then twice, and left. Looking back, I can see in photos that it was hard for her to say goodbye. One special item that did not make it into any of our photos was a pillow that had traveled with him that had pictures of all of his "brothers and sisters" from Morning Star to keep him company on the train. If anything, that's what got to me. I wish we had been thinking clearly enough to get a photo with her, or at least her name, but we weren't. 

The next couple hours were painful. It was so hard, because he was beside himself (plus he was hot). We removed a layer of clothing and started sponging him off but he wasn't having it. For about two hours, until the other families received their children, I wandered around that room with him while he sobbed. (Yes, I still tear up now thinking about it.) We received lots of encouragement from the other families and guides that it was normal, but we could see that some of them were thinking "is this what it will be like for us?" Our guide, Tina, did pull me aside during our pacing and said the more the child cried on Family Day the faster the adjustment would be. At that point, I felt like our adjustment should be immediate, based on how things were going! But slowly, we made progress. I learned we didn't walk past the door, because that was where he last saw his ayi. His arm slowly started to wrap around my side and slowly he started to lean on me instead of pulling away. His bottle, his beloved bottle that many of you have seen and we still use during upsetting days, did not leave his mouth. We were a snotty, drooly, formula covered hot mess--both of us. Lest you think that Derek was just standing around, he was actually fanning us to keep us as cool as possible...most of the pictures we have were taken by others. At this point, I honestly felt (and I think Derek did too) like we were the absolute worst people in the world. As far as Jet was concerned, WE did this to him. This was OUR fault. WE were the ones who took him away from everything comfortable. I know this isn't true, but I don't know how else to communicate to you how we felt in that moment. 

Ever so slowly, he calmed down. If loud noises (new family members arriving) happened or I made the mistake of heading past the door for some air, we'd start up crying again but by the time we got in the bus he had settled down. No smiles of course, but no more tears. He was, truly, just exhausted at that point--and who could blame him. Crying takes it out of you, traveling takes it out of you, new experiences take it out of you...he was three for three--as evidenced by the absolute immediate sleep when we got in the van to head back to the hotel. (We also soon learned that as a "fight or flight" response, Jordan's was flight--and by flight we mean sleep since it's not like he was mobile! Sleep allowed him to escape the situation.) But you have to admit, sweaty hot mess and all, he was (and is) pretty darn cute. 

Once we got back to the room, we soon learned I would not be able to put him down for anything (and that he was quite particular about how to sit on me). Eye contact was still kept at a minimum and still no smiles. Derek ordered some lunch and we ate in the room while Jordan ate some snacks that had been sent with him somehow with his bottle still in his mouth. (By the way, even now, when he sees pictures of himself with that particular bottle, he still asks for "milk?") Our very clean and white bedding was quickly covered with crumbs. We also stupidly attempted a selfie, which just made things worse. He was comfortable, or at least getting there, and then we disrupted him to make him take a picture for our Jet Landing Facebook page. Fail. There were a lot of parenting fails that day, but he doesn't hold them against us and it's not like kids come with a manual anyway! We also learned quite quickly he did NOT like my long(ish) blonde hair anywhere near his face. Actually only recently does he like it now--by recently I mean in the past month he thinks it's hilarious and awesome. That particular day however, it was terrifying.

Then, because we are awesome at knowing the best thing to do, we decided that since he was covered in drool/snot/crumbs/slime, we should at least hose him down in the giant bathtub. No. Wrong decision. Adoptive parents reading this, I feel and accept your judgement. No need to rub it in. However, he was clean, and everyone (IMO) sleeps better when they're in clean clothes. And his cheeks were huge and adorable. The absolute best. Clearly, this boy liked to eat. He finally fell asleep on Mama, but unfortunately we had a major problem. Well, I had a major problem. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with Derek yet at this point--wouldn't even look at him but (here comes more TMI) I had to pee SO. BAD. Sorry, but it's true. So after traumatizing him with the bath, it was either embarrass myself with the hotel staff or traumatize him further and wake him up to have Baba (Daddy) hold him. Obviously, we chose the latter.

But you know what? It went fine. I mean, we did have some tears, but Derek FINALLY got to hold his son too. And yes, those clear glass bathroom walls did come in handy so Jet could see that I wasn't leaving. Plus, he let Derek hold him long enough that I could get a few pictures after I got back. AND he stopped crying. We call that progress. Then the progress started happening even faster. Instead of needing to be on my lap at all times, he would sometimes go by Derek. He still refused to walk or crawl, but he did start to venture out onto the bed--not off of the bed, just move around on it. We were ecstatic! This is actually typical behavior: start with where they feel safe and let them explore on their own from there. We may have pushed it with the bath, but clearly the prayers from the other side of the world from the people who stayed up all night or most of the night for this were helping. The bottle was attached though--I still want to know if this was his comfort only because it came with him or if this was HIS bottle with Morning Star and what he had always used. By the way, the only time this bottle was not attached to his person was when we got our official picture taken for our paperwork. He had literally just calmed down--again--and they took the bottle out of his mouth...and man, did he let everyone know what he thought about that!

We really didn't do much during the rest of the day--just played with the iPad and apparently he already know how to use a phone; we ate some more room service supper even though the other families offered to meet us in the dining room for dinner. We really felt the cocooning process that we wrote about before we left started from the second we got him, and wanted him to get used to us before we started taking him out on our own--unless we had to.

We did another bath, which went almost as well as the last one, and then got him ready for bed. It gets dark there around 6:30, which threw us off for the entire trip since back home it wasn't dark until 8:30 or so. We actually started a routine that night that lasted the rest of the trip. Both of us would do bath time with him and get jammies on him, then I would lay in bed with him until he fell asleep while Derek ran (walked up and down two huge flights of stairs to cross a bridge plus a few more blocks) to the Walmart to get snacks or things we needed. Usually, it was Coke or a Snickers, but also things like looking for a second bottle like the one he had, etc. (FYI, we had people looking at home too. The closest we could find cost $80. We did not buy it.) By the time Derek would get back, Jet would be asleep enough that I could transfer him to his crib (which we turned into a cosleeper) and we'd take turns taking showers and going to bed. But that first night? We were all exhausted. I'm still glad Derek made it back from Walmart safely because selfishly I just wanted a shower and bed.

At the end of the day, regardless of the exhaustion, tears, boogers, more tears, exhaustion...he was ours. The paperwork was officially signed and we were his legal guardians. I believe there was a twenty four hour period where we could change our minds, but there was and never had been even an iota of doubt to do so. Feng Jian Guo, now known as Jordan Ezekiel Tanis, or Jet, became a member of our Family on May 30, 2016. Praising God still for all He has done to orchestrate this amazing plan for all three of our lives. 

NAM2016: Welcome to Zhengzhou! Day 5

Leaving Beijing was a lot more relaxed than our arrival. Not only did we have our guide with us, but we were more familiar with the airport or at least what to expect and had a group to travel with. Our agency does allow you to travel by yourself and provide you with a guide if there wasn't a group to add on to, but I highly recommend going with a group. These are the people who are going to entertain your kid(s) when you're signing paperwork, share medication with you that you don't have, run to Pizza Hut across the street if you can't leave your room...these people are IN IT with you. We all made it through security with no problems. For some reason, Derek and I never had any issues with security but the other two families would be stopped for trivial things--things that were insignificant but scary when you can't understand what people are telling you.

Once we arrived in Zhengzhou (pronounced JUNG-joe), we quickly gathered our luggage (it is an amazing amount of luggage to find and haul for six adults, two kids, and three anticipated children). Even when you pack light...it's still a lot. I even left my hair dryer at home people. I don't think you know the sacrifice that was for me. We located another fantastic guide (shout out to Tina!) and marched through the airport school children style to our transportation outside. We had some trouble with the bus that was going to take us to the hotel (located about an hour from the airport). None of us still quite know what was going on, but the police boarded the bus and escorted the driver off, and then a lot of yelling/loud talking commenced. Phone calls were made, there was a lot of waving of arms...we didn't know if we were ever going to arrive. Was it because we were American? Were we going to have to pay them off? These were the questions going through all of our minds. However, I guess (?) there was just a problem with the driver's credentials. How the police could tell that just by the bus parked and us boarding I don't know, but that's the story and we're sticking to it. While we were waiting for this to be resolved, Tina gave us the most recent updates on our children which included things like current weight, height, favorite foods (actual brands), type of formula, etc. We all poured over this information like it was gold and shared the little anecdotes about our children's personalities--friendly, extroverted, mischievous, smart, determined...we were all proud parents at that moment and yet hadn't met our kids.

We did finally make it to the (very ornate) hotel. Just check out the lobby! This one was even nicer than the last. We all had rooms near each other on the 20th floor (yikes!) but it made for some awesome views. Oh, and yes, once again, we had the super fancy and open bathroom walls, but these came with an automatic curtain plus the shower and toilet were each their own separate rooms within the bathroom. Phew! Having a bathtub was super nice for a toddler, although this one was big enough to swim in.

What was nice about this hotel was that we were right across the street from Pizza Hut, Subway, Burger King that we could actually see from our room...plus it had pretty decent room service. We were pretty set for food. After grabbing some dinner (the absolute best hamburger via room service ever) we met back with our guide to do some shopping at the local Walmart. Yes, Walmarts truly are everywhere and have everything you need. We bought the few snacks that we were told toddlers liked (and actually, we liked them a lot too) and headed back to prepare for the next day.

Our gifts were prepared, our name tags were ready, and most of all, our room had a crib in it. That was what made it so real. The next day, we would have a baby in that crib. There would be three of us instead of two in the room. We would be meeting Jordan the next day! We knew people back home were praying for us and praying for him. You'd think that we wouldn't have slept well at all that night, but we did. It was probably the best nights' sleep we had in China, knowing that finally, finally things were happening. If our minds were on anything at all, it was that this little boy was about to have his entire world rocked and that we wanted it to be as smooth a transition as possible for him. We were getting ready for bed in Zhengzhou, but Jet was getting ready for bed (or already sleeping) in Beijing and was too little to understand that he would be leaving the only family he ever knew the next morning. Gotcha Day (or Family Day as we actually have started to call it recently) was just the beginning. This may seem like a weird place to end this post, but really...let's just draw out the suspense a little bit longer, shall we?

This picture probably says it all. 

Tomorrow...Finally Family Day! Stay Tuned!

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Today's Appt. Calm. Cool. Collected. Mickey.

It's time to take a little break from our China memories. Instead, I want to take a moment and talk about our current events. Today was the appointment, as we like to refer to it, for all the marbles. As we've previously mentioned, Jordan was born with significant heart defects that were for the most part repaired in China. Sometimes, that isn't the case with international adoptions and additional or completely different diagnoses are discovered once home in America.

However, since all we really received was a 5-10 page report on his surgery, general health, and likes/dislikes (you may remember some of those here), our pediatrician and cardiologist essentially needed to set baselines that we have no history of and no way of getting. The first wave included fun things like blood work and stool samples (yippee! Derek was in charge of those) and vaccinations--which Jordan was actually more than up to date on.

First Echo: Brave boy

We are so thankful to live within five minutes of not only a children's hospital, but a children's hospital that includes an entire pediatric congenital heart defect team of very specialized doctors. They were able to get us in for a baseline echo and initial consult within a week of being home, and we're beyond thankful that paperwork we received from China matched approximately what his echo told us. That being said, we had only been home a week and had known our son less than a month. It was decided to keep things status quo and see how the next few months went with some tests spaced out in there. There were a number of things we needed to rule out and/or diagnose which is what those tests were for. He's been a trooper for every single one of them, never fighting the doctors or techs administering the tests. Don't worry, he did let us know he wasn't happy about them, but he laid as still as possible for the tests he wasn't required to be sedated for.

To date, he's received two echos, one abdominal ultrasound, one nuclear imaging liver/spleen scan, three chest x-rays (one ordered and two in ED) and a cardiac MRI. We've ruled out things for the time being such as intestinal malrotation, and diagnosed him with heterotaxy with polyspenia--but no daily prophylactic antibiotic needed! He was also diagnosed with complete abdominal situs inversus (so if he has appendicitis, it would be on his left side--organs are mirrored). Also, he's received more EKGs than we can count, because I'm pretty sure they do those like they take blood pressure for standard vitals for him.

Ultrasound Complete!

Liver/Spleen scan Recovery

Waiting for Cardiac MRI

In the meantime, his lungs don't seem to tolerate colds very well. In August and October almost two months to the day he went from the sniffles to gasping for breath, so we got our very first ambulance ride for the first visit to the ED and the for the second time we recognized what was happening much sooner and just went straight to the ED. (Insurance does cover most the ambulance ride, but we live closer and can drive faster to the hospital than waiting for an ambulance to get here.) We have some options to think about to hopefully reduce or eliminate these episodes, but we will worry about that at a later date.

Also, just as a fun little extra, this little dude also has some nearsightedness and astigmatism. Nothing too serious, but enough that he needed correction. Considering how easily he transitioned to wearing his glasses, I think it is very safe to say that he knows he needs them. His attention span and attention to detail has skyrocketed in the past few weeks. Also, he looks pretty stinking cute. He really does need them, I promise. They aren't just for aesthetics. 

But. This is the day we have been waiting for since we got back from China. Not to sound overly dramatic, but really, as mentioned, this one was for all the marbles. All of the tests, procedures, and visits have led up to this point to know how we will proceed with Jordan's heart. We've been home long enough to know his patterns, his general health, etc. He's comfortable with us, and completely comfortable with the doctors (makes himself right at home). And so, the doctors and we scheduled today's appointments to set up a game plan for the future. 

Realistically, we know that the majority of his issues are considered repaired and are truly thankful for that. The concern is the existing condition of extra blood flow backing up in his lungs, (pulmonary hypertension) which is why all of these tests have led our cardiac team (we went from one doctor to several over the past few months) to decide to do a heart catheterization on Wednesday, November 9. In theory, this test should take about two hours, but due to some extra findings in his cardiac MRI it may need to be a little longer than that and require and overnight stay. One of the openings for the deoxygenated blood is too small, which does not allow it to return to the lungs to reoxygenate. If needed, this would be resolved with a stent. The surprise issue we found out today was that he has some blood pooling because of his mitral valve being too small. This does actually line up with the report we received from China, which is kind of a relief knowing that it is not a new development. However, the news we weren't expecting or hoping for is that if this is severe enough Jordan will require open heart surgery to repair this. Our hope of course, is that this isn't or won't actually be as severe as possibly indicated on the MRI. However, if it isn't resolved now, it will most likely need to be repaired in the future.

Right now, he is sleeping, and currently also wearing a 24 hour heart monitor to measure how his heart is performing. A few blips on today's EKG along with some of the other test results indicated there was a need to monitor this. Again, our hope is that this will resolve itself or that it isn't an issue at all. Otherwise, this would be an indicator of needing a pacemaker because he would be at a higher risk for a complete heart block.

Honestly?

About half of these things we anticipated. We assumed there will be a good chance he will need a stent. We knew that a pacemaker would be a possibility. The stent would require some routine maintenance as his body grows and adjusts, and a pacemaker would limit some of his activities as he gets older (such as contact sports) but if it keeps our son healthy and well that's fine with us! The shocker was thinking we may be facing major surgery before the year end. This time I will be a bit dramatic, but heart surgery isn't like getting your big toe operated on. This is his heart. You can take or leave a big toe (maybe have some balance issues but that's it). You need your heart to survive.

A few weeks ago, I posted on Instagram this picture of our silly, independent, energetic, little boy with a severe case of FOMO. All of those things I posted still hold true. He can and will run and jump (maybe work on his balance a little, but that's neither here nor there). We have an excellent team of doctors who proved over and over to us today and in the past few months that they don't just care about him as a patient but as a little person. Most of all, we have a God who can heal all things and knows what is best for Jordan. Please pray with us that his catheterization goes well, that any issues that can be fixed that day will be, that if we do spend the night in the hospital (required if any issues are corrected or extra testing done) we will get rest, and that if heart surgery is needed that God will guide the surgeons' hands, and most of all for bravery for our little boy.

In times of anxiety and uncertainty, I wanted to share what I turn to for peace and comfort. It's not found in the Bible, but is written with scriptural references. I generally use it for myself, but we can also substitute Jordan's name in there as well. I hope you'll find comfort in it l should you need it too.

Heidelberg Catechism, Lord's Day 1, Q&A 1:

Q. What is your only comfort in life death?

A. That I am not my own but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.

He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.

He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. 

Therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for him.

1.1 Cor 6:19, 20. 2.Rom 14:7-9. 3.1 Cor 3:23; Tit 2:14. 4.1 Pet 1:18, 19; 1 Jn 1:7; 2:2. 5.Jn 8:34-36; Heb 2:14, 15; 1 Jn 3:8. 6.Jn 6:39, 40; 10:27-30; 2 Thess 3:3; 1 Pet 1:5. 7.Mt 10:29-31; Lk 21:16-18. 8.Rom 8:28. 9.Rom 8:15, 16; 2 Cor 1:21, 22; 5:5; Eph 1:13, 14. 10.Rom 8:14.