NAM2016: Our Story Days 4-5 Hong Kong-Beijing

I feel like I should be dramatic while writing this and say "Where did we last leave the main characters of our story? Oh yes, about to board Cathay Pacific Flight 390 from Hong Kong to Beijing." But I won't. I'll just say we checked in to our flight, our luggage did NOT weigh too much, and I was the only blonde in the airport in our general vicinity. That's okay though, blonde hair is awesome.

After an uneventful security screening and on-time boarding (what?), we settled into our seats to enjoy a much shorter flight. Ironically, in the past flying for more than two or so hours usually gets me a little nervous. This flight was about three and a half--and flew by! (HA!) It could have been the jet lag, it could have been the amazing amenities on the plane itself, or it could have been our previous sixteen hour flight the day before that put it into perspective. Yeah, it was probably that.



Since it was morning, and we were all kinds of messed up, I decided to go for a second breakfast. Neither of us remember what Derek chose for breakfast--probably something healthy, light, and Western, but I was feeling so good that I decided to full-on immerse myself in the Asian culture and choose their Asian breakfast option. After all, all of the books and blogs and facebook groups told me this is most likely what my son has been eating for breakfast his whole life, so why shouldn't I give it a try? When I told the flight attendant my choice, she looked at me very strangely. "You want...the congee?" Yes please, the chicken congee. "It is...Asian? You know this?" Yes ma'am, thank you" I said with a smile. Friends, this is what it looked like. Congee is basically watery, boiled down, rice porridge that may have bits of egg and chicken (or pork, or can be plain). It looked...as appetizing as that picture shows. I did have a few bites, and truly it was not bad. Derek couldn't even watch me eat it or look at the tray until the flight attendant took it away. Honestly though, this was a fantastic way to pass an hour of a flight: How many times can you gross out your husband just by eating your breakfast? I will admit I have never made this since being home, and Jet doesn't seem to miss it. Maybe he does, I don't know, but he hasn't told me.

The Beijing airport was just like any other airport you've probably been in, except cleaner and in our opinion, more organized. In fact, all of the airports in China were similarly structured and had the absolute cleanest public restrooms I have ever seen. (This is very important to me.) Once we landed, we boarded a transport train to take us from our gate to wherever our luggage was. This is an actual photo, taken by Derek at about his eye level. I also would have taken a picture, but I had a woman actually leaning on me. I don't believe for support; it may have just been that crowded or I seemed approachable. (FYI, that's not true. If you look up personal space issues in the dictionary you'll probably see my picture.)

Once we got our luggage, we headed off to find someone from our agency who we were told would pick us up and drive us to our hotel. Since we did not take a photo of the people all waiting at the gate for pick ups, let me paint this picture for you. Before I do that, I just want to say there have been actual studies done by reputable statisticians that note that to each race, other races look the same. I'm sorry if that offends you, but I do believe there's some truth to that and have discussed it with my non-Caucasian friends who also agree. Plus, the color of good fortune or good luck in China is red. Now that I've cleared those two things up, Derek and I turned the corner with all of our luggage and see about a hundred people who to us look very similar, all waving some sort of red or white with red on it sign. Some of the signs were very professional with the passengers' names (we're assuming, we don't read or speak Mandarin) and others were handwritten.

In order to find our agency rep, we had to walk past all of these people waving signs and staring at us, because for obvious reasons, we stuck out. This is where Derek was actually starting to get nervous. Here we are, with absolutely no knowledge of the language, and no way to contact anyone easily ( as our phones had yet to start working again after turning them back on). We finally, finally found someone holding a piece of paper with CCAI written on it with a Sharpie marker holding a small red pennant type flag also saying CCAI. Hooray! We found our rep.

Derek, probably praying we would end up at hotel. 

Except, this was not our rep. This gentleman spoke absolutely no English. This was, I think I can now say at that point, Derek's worst fear being realized. The man confirmed somehow that we were who we said we were, and handed us his cell phone. Apparently, our actual agency rep was with two other families who arrived a few days before us and they were taking some time sightseeing. He assured us that this man would get us a cab, the fare would be paid, and we would end up at our hotel. This was, by very definition, blind faith.

What did we do? We went with it! What else could we do? In retrospect, we are very thankful we were with an agency who took such good care of us while we were in country because while we were there and since being home have heard horror stories of families being taken advantage of. This was, yet another example of the small ways God was reassuring us that we would be taken care of. The cab ride was interesting. Since we were in a big city we could almost pretend we were in the States, but the architecture, signs, and even the cars and pedestrians made it clear we weren't in Kansas anymore.

This was the best I could do leaving the airport.

Apartments

Not sure why we took this, but we did...

Our time in Beijing was only about twenty four hours. We checked into our hotel, ordered room service, did a little bit of walking, had dinner, and went to bed. We did zero sightseeing in Beijing except for walking around the area of the hotel.

Sunworld Dynasty

Romantic

In case you were curious, we stayed at the Sunworld Dynasty Hotel in Beijing. All of the hotels CCAI puts their families up in are at least 4 star, but the majority were 5 star. We had truly made it in life, clearly. Fun fact: for every hotel we stayed in, all of the bathrooms had clear glass windows open to the room with giant soaking tubs and gigantic showers. This is generally something that you see at like...all inclusive resorts in Cabo or Jamaica. This was unexpected here. We did not order nor did we expect the honeymoon suite at every hotel we stayed at, but apparently it was just standard. Had we been feeling up to it, we were within walking distance to the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square, but truly just wanted to relax. We knew the next few weeks would be busy with travel and meeting our son, and our main priority for being there wasn't for sightseeing.

After a gourmet meal of room service chicken nuggets and fries (neither of us were feeling super great yet at that point because of no sleep and not having a regular meal schedule--we are very particular about that--we did venture off to do some exploring around the area. We also had received another call from our Beijing rep (who was stuck in traffic) and he advised us to find a bank to change over a not small but not large amount of our USD to RMB, so at that point I headed back to sleep and Derek searched out a bank. He located one around the corner and down a ways but of course it closed around 6 p.m. and it was 6:30 p.m. at that point. We decided to eat dinner at the buffet and then call it a night. The inside of the hotel was absolutely beautiful by the way. Everything in China--even if it was a "chain" was ornate and unique to each location.

Buffet from above

Indoor courtyard

Lobby

Sunday morning we woke up feeling pretty refreshed, and again excited to get this show on the road. I would just like to say the people who tell you that Beijing is dirty and smoggy? We did not experience that at all. Beautiful, clear blue sky both days and sunshine. It really felt like walking down Michigan Avenue in Chicago. We did some exploring around the area and found it to not be very crowded at all. Whether this was because it was still early (9ish a.m.) or a Sunday we don't know. We found out there was a (state-approved) church a little bit of a walk from the hotel but did not want to get too close in case of offending anyone there. However, the architecture was beautiful so I still snapped a quick photo. We did see many larger stores, with sports paraphernalia AND an Apple store, very exciting. On the lower levels of these stores you might be able to see tiny little shops that sold specifically to tourists, some of them very insistently. Considering we were Americans we were very clearly tourists, and more than once had a hard time shaking them off. (The shopper in me did want to stop, because there were many pretty things like scarves, jewelry, carvings, etc., but I knew we wanted to hold out to make sure we got authentic items.) 

We did finally find the bank Derek had discovered the night before. Hopefully I didn't break any laws by taking a photo, but it was a very interesting experience. Once again, the language barrier was an issue and the people working at this particular bank either spoke very little English or none at all, so there was a lot of gesturing and writing. Ideally, our guide would have been with us but that wasn't a possibility Sunday morning either (since he was making sure our transportation back to the Beijing airport was lined up, etc...I don't want anyone thinking he wasn't doing his job! There were a lot of behind the scenes things the guides took care of for the families so that we had as stress free experience as possible and could spend the weeks in country focusing on our children.) Also, the exchange rate is significantly different, so the USD we changed over seemed like a small amount but both of us were nervous walking back to the hotel carrying such a huge amount of RMB. 

We made it, safely, and were able to check out of our hotel room and finally meet the other two families who were traveling with us. Both families had previously adopted from China and had brought their daughters with them, which I'm sure was a very special experience for all of them. The one family was also adopting a little boy like us, and the other was adopting a twelve-year old girl about to age out of the system. As we were walking up to meet then, our faces must have been very transparent, because (I can't remember who it was--Jennifer or Rebecca maybe you'll remember) one of the moms took one look at us and said "first time?" and we said yes...and they said "first child?" And again, we said yes. Clearly, we must not have looked as confident as we were feeling but we were so thankful to be traveling with these families who had not only adopted from China before, but also had used the same agency and were believers. What a relief for us! Shortly after introductions, and a quick prayer, it was off to the airport again to fly a much shorter trip to Zhengzhou, where we would all meet our children the next day! 

Before I end this incredibly long description of our 24 hour whirlwind in Beijing, I wanted to also say Derek and I do have one regret about not touring anything in Beijing. You see, Jet was being cared for in a private foster home called Morning Star, located in Beijing. We were under the impression we would not be able to visit him or the facility since his "home" city and provincial orphanage was Pingdingshan, Zhengzhou. However, it wasn't until about a month or so ago that we discovered we could have toured the facility and met his precious Ayi who cared and loved him as her own son. If you are interested in Morning Star or would like to support their foundation, I would encourage you to visit their website here and check it out. Not only does your financial support go toward sponsoring the 10-12 babies in need of lifesaving heart surgery, medication, and care, you can also support family preservation by providing lifesaving heart surgery that parents in China simply cannot afford (and subsequently would be face with very hard decisions, including abandoning their child.) Please, please check it out. Without this organization, and this is not an exaggeration, we truly do not believe our son would be alive today. 

Thanks for sticking with us so far. I promise, the fun stuff is coming soon! 

NAM2016: Our Story Days 0-3: Peoria-Chicago-Hong Kong

Does this thing still work? Does anyone read this? Has it actually been six months since we traveled? Was anyone not aware that we adopted a child from China? Show of hands if anyone is tired of hearing about it! (I can't see you, so I'm still going to write.)

In case you didn't know, November is Adoption Awareness Month. I have basically taken a six month break from our blogging because there really just hasn't been time...but I could also be honest and say I was feeling lazy when I did actually have the time. However, it's important to us to get out our story of Jet's adoption--if not for you all but for him someday, plus talk about our issues that have popped up since.

I"ll just start on Wednesday, May 25th, which was the day before we left. Previously, we had decided to have everything packed and ready to go the day before that--so two whole days in advance. This is not generally how we travel. We do a lot of last minute trips and have gotten pretty good at throwing things in a suitcase and leaving a half hour later, so in retrospect this was not actually a good plan. We thought this would leave us a free day of doing fun things, but nerves about the upcoming trip plus about five separate runs to Walgreens left us with very little time. For example, I suddenly insisted we needed to bring eight toothbrushes--one for each of us, for each hotel. Derek loves me, and my neuroses, so he willingly packed them (but didn't use them but we'll get to that later).

But, J's room was done, or at least the important things were. His blanket was finished. The Ikea chair was assembled and we stayed married. Derek actually built the crib by hand--not just ordered from JC Penney because again, I am particular and he loves me. I will say the crib is amazing. If he didn't love engineering, he could totally go into the crib-making business. (We didn't take a picture of the whole room because we truly just forgot, but this was close enough.)

On Thursday, after a good night's sleep for both of us provided only by the grace of God, we left the house around 5am to head to the PIA for our flight to O'Hare. On the way there, I was actually feeling calm, so calm it was eerie. Full disclosure, I do take special "airplane pills" but I typically don't take them until we get to the airport and park the car. As we were driving on our short trip to the airport we both noticed there was a storm brewing but nothing terrible looking. Considering we were 90 minutes early there was plenty of time for it to blow over. 

Except it didn't. 

As we were parking our car, Derek got a text from a friend inside that said something to the effect of "Your flight's been cancelled!!!" with a bunch of--no lie--laughing emojis. At this point, our luggage was already out of the car, and honestly, we just assumed it was a joke. A bad joke, but still a joke. 

It wasn't. 

And also, just for future reference, the emojis between iPhones and Androids are different. 

I'm not going to lie--skipping the flight in the little puddle jumper from Peoria to O'Hare wasn't a hardship for me. If anything, I could even claim it as an answer to prayer--but that's probably a reach. We ended up going back home because it was so early even the car rental places in the airport were closed (again, thanks Peoria). I went back to bed for a few hours and Derek got McDonald's breakfast before we headed back to the airport to rent a car to drive up to O'Hare. It was an hybrid car, but beggars can't be choosers (Derek) and off we went!

After we figured out how to turn it on and leave the lot

Once we made it to O'Hare, we got to navigate the rental return mall and the shuttle bus system. At that point, we just wanted to get to our terminal because it was 11:30 and we were hungry...and then we realized the TSA line was even crazier than what we saw on the news. Does anyone remember what the lines were like Memorial Day weekend of May 2016? Yes, we were there. Four hours later, we arrived at our gate. Yes, four hours. Thankfully, our flight was delayed and so we didn't miss our boarding.

Chicago-Hong Kong

The flight was uneventful, but long. Personally, I loved the dinner they provided and Derek did not...but neither of us liked the lunch? Breakfast? Not exactly sure what the second meal was supposed to be. Does anyone know how they figure out what to serve for airplane meals? Here is where the time difference starts to confuse. We took off around 4:30 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon in Chicago, and after a sixteen hour flight landed in Hong Kong around 10:30 p.m. Friday night. Also, when I say it was a long flight? I mean they tacked on a couple extra hours. We were scheduled to land around 8:30 p.m., not 10:30. At this point, we were not even considering our purpose for this trip. We are sorry Jet, but our number one goal was to land, get through customs, and find food somewhere. Anywhere. And sleep.

Airport view from the room

We did finally make it through customs and checked into our hotel, which was attached to the airport. Our bellhop practically ran through the airport while we huffed and puffed through the humidity and jet lag--not a great combo. (Eastern buildings are not air-conditioned like our Western ones.) I purposely had booked a little bit nicer room (bigger) just because I thought we would have more time to relax. That was not the case, and I also apparently didn't book just a "little" bit nicer room...I booked some top level suite or something. Fail. Oh well. It came with a bowl of fruit and a minibar, and since we were both exhausted and sick we made do with that and went to bed to hopefully get some sleep before we were up and at 'em at 6 a.m. for our flight to Beijing. 

My husband, whom I love very much, is one of those people who can fall asleep anytime, anywhere, within seconds of head on pillow. I am the polar opposite of this and additionally, when I'm feeling tired and/or run down, anxiety tends to get the better of me. That calm feeling I was experiencing up until that point flew right out the window. Thankfully, since we did have the giant upgraded room, I got up and went into the living room so that I didn't disturb him and immediately started texting friends, since it was the middle of the day for them although middle of the night for me. (Time difference is thirteen hours ahead. Little trick--add one to your current time, and flip-flop the AM/PM.) 

This is when the worry set in. What if our son had more severe needs than disclosed? What if they made a mistake and he wasn't supposed to be ours? What if WE were making a mistake? What if, what if, what if? Having supportive, Godly friends whom I know were taking time out of their busy Fridays to spend time in prayer for me helped calm me down enough to get some rest, and I will never be able to adequately express my thanks to them. I didn't sleep exactly, but had a calm mind and spirit, knowing that God would be with us throughout the trip and that we were doing what He wanted us to do. On top of that, upon opening my FirstFive (awesome app btw if you haven't looked into it), this was my devotional for that morning. Providential. 

Sadly, we didn't get to see much of Hong Kong. It was cloudy and hazy, but from what we could see of the island the airport was on, beautiful. We would love to visit someday. We took a few more pictures that pretty much all look the same as this one, and enjoyed our concierge level breakfast. We looked very out of place with our casual travel clothes mixed with the businessmen and women in the breakfast area. Oh well. We grabbed our luggage and this time took a much more leisurely stroll from the hotel to our check-in counter for our airline. Hong Kong is a good mix of both Western and Eastern cultures, so we weren't completely out of our element here and the airport was so incredibly easy to navigate. And, it was attached to a mall. Perfect! We took one last selfie before heading toward our gate (and getting McDonald's for breakfast...theme?). For very little sleep, incredible jet lag, and nerves, I have to say we looked pretty good! Even though this seemed like it was the last leg of the trip, it was still just the very beginning. At this point though, we were excited to get to Beijing, and to get this show on the road to meet our son!

Ok, so my eyebrow was only a LITTLE bit up. It's fne. 

And last, but not least, here is a photo of Derek, holding his carry on which was full of things for our son. Our good friends Russ and Kel gave this to us for a baby shower gift, and we couldn't have brought a more perfect bag to carry things for our own little Jet!

Off we go!

...to be continued...

Dear Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends:

First, I know a number of people have asked about meeting us at the airport when we arrive home, and the answer is yes! We will be so excited to see anyone who can meet us at the gate and welcome our new family of three home. Please check out and join our Facebook group "Jet Landing" for detailed flight information. If you do plan to greet us at the gate, we ask that you please do not touch or show affection to Jet as well as limit direct eye contact and communication with him. Remember, this little guy will have had a lot of new experiences in a very short period of time and in addition most likely tired, overstimulated, and scared.

Please keep reading to see how you can help us in the coming weeks...

Derek and I are beyond thankful for the love and support you have all shown us thus far. We are so excited to welcome Jet into our family and know that you are too. We recognize the changes coming our way, especially those for little Jet, and after a lot of thought, prayer, and research we'd appreciate your help and support in the future to make sure Jet's transition to our family is complete. While some of the ways we parent will be the same as parenting a biological child, there will also be some differences. We realize that some of these methods may be unfamiliar to many of you, but we ask that you respect our decisions. It is not our desire to cause any hurt feelings, but I think we can all agree that we all want what's best for Jet!

Our main priority is for Jet to feel safe and secure in his new environment and to learn to trust us as his new parents. That may sound strange--why wouldn't he trust us? After all, by the time we get home, we will have been his sole caregivers for almost two weeks! Plus, he's so young! Surely he will adjust quickly!

That may be true--he will trust us to an extent to meet his basic needs. Please remember however, that just like a newborn and caregiver are starting from the very beginning, we too are starting at the "beginning" with Jet. Adoption is traumatizing regardless of age! New parents, hotel rooms, airplane, more hotels, more planes, cars, new house, new room, new foods, new smells, new clothes, new routines...I could go on but I'm sure you get the drift. Jet needs to know that whatever his needs are, we, as his parents, will be the ones to meet them.

To do that, we will be limiting the number of visitors and his interactions with new people and experiences. In fact, for the first two weeks or so that he is home he won't be leaving the house! If you do plan to drop off a meal or grocery shop, as I know many of you have signed up to do (Thank you!!) please just come to the door and one of us will meet you there. After those two weeks or more if he needs it are up we will slowly start to introduce him to new experiences. For example, we may attempt church on a Sunday and if that goes well then head for groceries on Monday. If not, then we will stay home again for a few days.

Up until now, you may be thinking that Jet will be terribly withdrawn and shy and scared of his shadow but actually, many families experience the opposite. Jet may be friendly, outgoing, extroverted, etc. Children in orphanages are used to going to an adult--any adult--and asking for what they need. This means when you do come to visit or we see you somewhere, he may walk up to you and ask to be picked up or for a drink or a snack or rocked or any number of things--and, here is where we desperately need your help--please do not do any of those things and redirect him to either Derek or me. I know. I just asked you to not help or hug or kiss the cute toddler and go against everything you know to be true in this world. But please, remember again, that Jet needs to learn who his parents are and what parents do.

Please also remember that there is no time limit and this too shall pass! Some children can be well-adjusted within a few months and some may take a year--regardless of age! There will not be a "The ban has been lifted!" announcement free-for-all party at our place announcing that Jet is "fully attached!" No, it will be more of a gradual process most likely filled with a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of progress. Honestly? Our hope is that it's so gradual no one will even notice and in a few months, or a year, or whatever it takes, he will be a happy and well-adjusted little boy who knows he has family and friends who love him.

By no means are we implying that we are experts on the subject of attachment! I am 100% positive there will be times we mess up, but--in addition to everything else we're asking you--please show us some grace? It's our first time as parents, you know! If you want to read about this "Cocooning" method further, there are a number of books about the subject (Recommended reading: The Connected Child)  and any number of blog posts from "been there done that" families. Thank you for your understanding and help while we all try to get used to our new normal!